Well, folks. The day has arrived. Tomorrow I turn the big '3-1'.... and I figured since that day is steadily approaching us, I would sit here and reflect on some things I've learned in 31 years. I wouldn't say I'm wise by any stretch of the imagination. I try to learn as much as possible, although I know there's plenty of years to get even more lessons in the areas I fail.
I might not know it all, but I've sure been through a lot in my 31 years.
Seen a lot.
Heard a lot.
Endured a lot.
Faced a lot.
In some ways, my 31 years has been a lot.
It has been a lot of heartache.
A lot of confusion.
A lot of frustration.
A lot of overwhelming feelings...
But it has also been a lot of blessings.
A lot of redemption.
A lot of mercy.
A lot of grace.
And a whole heck of a lot of fighting to be the person I was called to be.
I'm not sure if I'm the expert-on-life that everyone would want to hear from, but I thought I would list the cliched 31 things I've learned in my 31 years...
1. You'll be at the top some days... and some days, you'll be at the bottom. You can be on the top of the world one moment and hitting rock bottom the next. There are no guarantees-- only one option: get through the tough times and learn from them. Grow through them. And be a better person when the good times come rolling back around.
2. Your mind is a lot stronger than you give it credit for. As someone that has battled with anxiety for years, I can tell you one thing: when I NEED to do something (something that causes fear within me..).. but when I really NEED to do something, the mind-- it can do it. When you focus on what your family needs or a friend needs.. it kind of pushes away all of that stress and worry.
3. Taking time for yourself is necessary. Listen, y'all. You can be that superhero woman/man you want to be as much as you want BUT if you aren't taking time for yourself, you're going to get depleted fast. Taking some time to breathe, focus, refresh your soul.. it all makes you a better person in general. The saying is true- you cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill yourself up.. then move on to helping others in the areas they need.
4. Wake up early. I cannot stress this enough. It is so good for the soul-- even if it is weary for those droopy eyes (but only for a little bit!) That time to gather yourself before the busyness starts is a blessing that I feel like so many miss out on. I was the person that slept in every day until 10 or 11... and then only within the past year has God been showing me the beauty in an early wake up. The beauty in a reset before the rest of the world wakes up. It's healthy for the soul and the bones.
5. Don't yell. Shocker right? I'll admit, I have my days where I raise my voice, but something I've learned is raising the voice leads to that quick breathing and rosy red cheeks we all hate! My blood pressure immediately starts going up when I raise my voice. If I can keep a cool, calm spirit even in the middle of disciplining or dealing with an argument, I can usually keep myself calmed down. It's difficult (trust me) but yelling only instigates my emotions! I need a defuser.... not an accelerator!
6. Trusting God calms the spirit. Once again-- I know, I know-- coming from me! If only we could take our own advice. But when I feel stress coming.. when I can feel my shoulders tensing up.. thinking 'God isn't going to let anything bad happen to me' calms me down (when I allow it-- that's the key here! When I ALLOW it. He's not going to push His Spirit on me...) Trusting Him and relying on Him eases my soul... and gosh, if you only knew how bad I need that most days!
7. And speaking of most days-- did you know it's okay to have a bad day now and then? It's alright! It's alright to feel like you're falling apart some times. It's okay to feel heavy. To feel burdened. To feel lost... but we just can't stay there! We can't just wallow in it. We have to sulk, breathe, reset.. and fight. Keep fighting. Bad days are alright-- and please don't let anyone ever make you feel any different. BUT we can't stay in those bad days. We have to get up and make them BETTER.
8. Family is the most important thing! I want our family to always have a tight bond. When I was growing up, we were ALL close. We had "family nights" and it was not un-cool to go to the mall or movies with my parents. I had an amazing support system and I want my babies to feel the same way-- at least for the most part ;) LOL But I just want to drive home: family is all you have. Love them. Be there for them. Support them. Spend time with them.
9. You DO have an impact on others. It's so important to give to other people and help them! I want my children to always know the value of being selfless-- I want to continually remind myself to be this person as well. I want them to constantly think about others. I want them to love one another. I want them to know that there is power in the words that they speak. I want them to know that they can impact people's lives EVERY day and it's important to have a positive impact-- because we DO have an impact.
10. Thankfulness can change your attitude. Ever realize how bad your attitude gets when you want something you can't have? Or when you see what could be, not what is in the moment? That attitude gets pretty nasty-- and we tend to lose ourselves in that moment. But thankfulness-- thankfulness pulls us back. Thankfulness reminds us that what we have right her and now is enough-- and if we do need more than what we currently see, God will provide. Kristin Armstrong once stated, "When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in."
11. Don't beat yourself up over your past. There's no use. It's gone. It's over with. What we can do is learn from it, grow, and move on. There's no use allowing the past to burden you and rob you of your HERE AND NOW. You have so much good to spread to this world. So many people to talk to. So many people to love. You can't let the burdens of your past hold you back from being who you're meant to be. Let them go today. It's unhealthy to let them eat you alive inside. You're too precious for that.
12. COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE. Was that explanation enough? LOL In 2010, I didn't know anything about coffee. In 2011, I had my first child and I learned about the sweet goodness that IS coffee. And we fell in love. And we developed an even closer bond when we had babies in 2013 and 2014. Now- we cannot be apart. So all I can say is- get you a steadfast friend in coffee. You will not regret it.
13. You teach people how to treat you. I probably need to repeat this to myself too-- but you teach people how to treat you. My mom told me this years ago and it has stuck with me ever since. What you allow WILL continue. If you let people walk all over you, they will continue. If you let people talk down to you, they will continue. BUT if you stand up and say: I AM WORTH MORE THAN THIS- others will recognize it.. and if they don't, at least you'll have the strength to say, "then move along."
14. Forgive, forgive, forgive. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Forgive the people that didn't say sorry. Forgive. If I've learned anything in this life, it's that holding a grudge can make you sick- physically and emotionally. There's a great quote that once stated, "It hurts more to hold grudges than to forgive. The anger we hold inside damages us, nobody else. Do not be prisoners of yourselves." Grudges are a prison- but you're the only one being held captive. Chances are, the other person has moved on with their lives while you're still angry from the past. Let it go today for yourself. Allow yourself to breathe- for yourself.
15. Get fresh air! Open the windows. One of my favorite parts of life- the simplicity and beauty of breathing in the outdoors. It is healing. All winter long, I ache for those days. I love all of the seasons (thank you Ohio!) but as Winter progresses, my soul longs for fresh air blowing through our windows. Open the doors. Sit outside. Take it in. Enjoy it. Read a book. Walk. Laugh. I firmly believe there's nothing fresh air and sunlight can't fix. It's the remedy we need for tough days. Enjoy it more-- you'll never regret it. I promise!
16. Donuts are life. Oops- I hope you're not on a diet right now! Let me rephrase that-- donuts (IN MODERATION) are life ;) LOL I could eat donuts every single morning for the rest of my life (although I'm sure my body would hate me LOL) but there's honestly nothing a good donut and a cup of coffee can't fix. I know, I know, I just said that about fresh air. So how about fresh air, a donut, and a cup of coffee? They're all life. I promise.
17. Read more. I know everyone says that, but seriously, read more. Reading can change your spirit. Reading can renew your mind. Reading can give you rest. "Readers live a thousand lives before they die. The man who never reads lives only one." [George R. R Martin] Reading takes your mind on trips. Reading removes you from the present world, even just for a little bit. You grow from it, learn from it. On an educational level, your vocabulary is enriched. Read as much as you can. Allow it to soothe you and drive you.
18. Refuse to let yourself fall into debt. In the book of Proverbs, the author warns us against owing anyone anything. He writes, "Dear friend, if you've gone into hock with your neighbor, or locked yourself into a deal with a stranger. If you've impulsively promise the shirt off your back and now finding yourself shivering out in the cold, Friend, don't waste a minute, get yourself out of that mess! You're in the man's clutches!" Debt steals your peace, your money, your time, your sleep. It isn't worth it. I heard a lady say once 'if it isn't in my bank account, I don't need it" and that's a lesson we all need to take with us everywhere we go.
19. Be open about your life- your struggles, your demons, your successes, your weaknesses, your strengths. Being 'real' reminds people that it's okay that they're 'real' and 'imperfect' too. I'll be honest- I have been that person that looks at other people's lives and think, 'Gosh, they have it all together." And while I would NEVER want someone to face a terrible tragedy or a tough situation, when I see them being real--- "my kids 'bout made me lose my sanity last night" or "I'm struggling with anxiety today..." I feel like it's alright for me to be REAL. It's okay for me to struggle some days. It's okay for me to not have it all together. Now, I'm not saying we get on social media and consistently have a negative spirit ;) but I am saying-- it's okay to tell your struggles and let others know -- if you're human, it's alright.. I am too!
20. Be excited about every single thing that makes you excited. There's never a reason to dampen your light or your passion. Love it. Love every single second of what you do. One thing that I used to let kill my spirit was worrying what people thought of people. Worrying if they thought I was weird. Worrying what they would think about my passion. For example, I love PokemonGo and I was always so scared to be open about it. To let people know because I thought they were going to think I was too old or immature.. And then I realized how much time I spent WORRYING about what people think instead of LIVING for what I think and love. The latter deserves my attention WAYYYY more than the first.
21. You can't control others. There's just no point in trying. You can only control your actions, your words, your thoughts. How they choose to react, how they choose to speak... that ball is only in their court. You are in charge of protecting your character. So, be slow to speak-- slow to anger- slow to reactions. Control your emotions. And let others deal with the repercussions of controlling or not controlling their emotions.
22. Talk to a 4-year old every now and then. I think one of my favorite moments is laying in bed at night and listening to our middle child tell us her thoughts for the day. She brings things in to perspective.. helps you see what is important.. reminds you what is real. She has so much forgiveness and love.. and it is a constant reminder of who we should be. I'll have a tough day and she always says, 'It's okay Momma, I still love you so so much.' During Bible reading, she will talk about Jesus and she allows you to see who He is from a child's perspective. I love our little chit chats and I would recommend for everyone to sit down with a 4-year old one day and just discuss life.
23. Watch the words that you speak. One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 18:21 "Words kill, words give life; They're either poison or fruit- you choose." Your words can uplift your soul or they can destroy it. Your words can positively impact others... or completely wreck them. The one thing to remember is: they're YOUR words. You have power over them. The Bible says the tongue is the hardest thing to tame which means we must continually work to have power over it. How are you using your words today? What kind of words are you speaking in to existence?
24. Have a lazy day now and then. We all need 'mental health days' and it is okay to take one from time to time! There is a great article in Women's Health Mag that says, "8 Signs You Need to Take a Mental Health Day." Sign #1- When you're anxious more than usual. Sign #2- You can't focus. Sign #3- You're feeling down in the dumps. Sign #4- You're easily set off. Sign #5- You keep getting sick. Sign #6- You feel like you're in slow motion. Sign #7- You feel disconnected. Sign #8- You're exhausted and can't sleep. Does this sound like you? You might need a mental health day. A day to relax and breathe and reset. You ARE important and you ARE worth taking care of your health. Make yourself a priority.
25. You are in charge of your own happiness-- no one else. There comes a point where you have to be happy WITHIN. And that happiness needs to be a deep, full happiness where situations will not steal it from you. You need to be able to go through circumstances and hard times- and still be able to say: My SOUL is happy. You need to be able to see $.25 in the bank account and still be able to say: My SOUL is happy. Our happiness cannot be dependent on our circumstances. If it is-- it isn't that deep down happiness God desires for us to have. Search your soul today and try and find it. It will be worth it!
26. Be kind to everyone- you never know what battles they are facing and you never know when you could end up in their shoes. I read this story once that said 'Somewhere along the way humans forgot how to love other humans" and that rings true every day of our lives. Somewhere along the way, we all forgot how to love each other. We forgot how it feels to be hurting, lost, broken.. We had luck on our side one day and forgot what being down and out felt like. We made it to the top and forgot what rock bottom feels like. Somewhere along the way we forgot what it feels like to need someone. We must remember and be that for someone else.
27. It's okay to say NO sometimes. For your own health- it is okay to tell people no. If you feel stressed out through the day and someone is attempting to put more stress on your shoulders, it is okay to say 'no.' Your well-being is so precious. Your mental health is worth more than other tasks. I don't think you understand how good you will feel when you say NO to things that are stressing you out. Say NO to arguments, NO to drama, NO to toxic people, NO to bad situations. Your mind, soul, and body will thank you.
28. Get the clutter out. This is something I am slowly learning but we need to rid our lives of clutter: our homes, our souls, our minds, our relationships. If it's taking up space for GOOD things, remove it. If it's old clothes, get rid of them. If it's old papers, get rid of them. If it's a toxic friendship, get rid of it. If it's too much on your plate, get rid of somethings. Anything that is cluttering your life, please-- find a way to strip some away.
29. Listen more than you talk. One thing I've learned in this life (and I need to keep reminding myself every day is this! Listen more than you talk.) There is so much we can learn in this world and so much of it goes unnoticed because we are so busy talking. We are so busy having a conversation where we are worried about what we are going to say next instead of listening to what is being said in that moment. How many pieces of a conversation have we missed because we were listening to respond? Or because we were so sidetracked with other things?
30. Put down the phone. It could be because my old phone wouldn't hold a charge for anything and it constantly had to be on the charger, but one thing I've gathered from this past year is this: put down the phone. You know how many movies or TV shows I missed out on because I was too busy scrolling through Facebook or Instagram? Do you know how many pages I haven't colored with my children because I was too busy reading other people's drama? I realized it when I could no longer have a phone consistently-- I realized how many moments I truly missed out on. Now, I am not saying to never be on your phone. There are some moments towards the end of the night where I think 'I need a few moments to me!' But, those precious moments. Those moments with family. Those moments with your children. Those moments in once in a lifetime events-- put the phone down. I'm still learning this in some situations, but that is the key: learning.
31. And last but not least-
learn to love yourself.
One of my favorite quotes is "Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you." Figure out what makes you-- you. What makes you tick. What makes you excited. What makes you fall in love with life.... and then be that person. Love every single bit of it. I love on 'Runaway Bride' when Julia Roberts tries out all of the various eggs to see which ones she loves-- she figured it out. She worked hard to see what she enjoyed. That needs to be us. Working hard to LOVE ourselves. Figuring out what is our driving force and chasing after it. You have to be with yourself 24/7... you might as well fall in love with every single piece of you!
Cheers to 31 years...
Lets do this.
