Writing Challenge: Day 11 [07.27.2019]

Day 11 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Something you always feel "what if" about.

This is easy.

What if I didn't have anxiety. What if that college class didn't make me feel like I was going to pass out. What if I skipped that day. 

Would my life be different?

Would I be chasing my passion today instead of hiding out in my house consistently? 

What kind of person would I be without anxiety?

Would I be a better partner?

A better mother?

A better granddaughter?

A better friend?

I would.

And that will forever be my "what if." 

Project 365x3: Day 8 [07.26.2019]

Well, one thing you'll probably hear me talk a lot about is Autism. It affects our lives in more ways than one. And yesterday, it affected us in the sleep category. We go through cycles. She will sleep good 3 weeks a month and then there's 5-7 days where she barely sleeps. We started that cycle last night. YAY. LOL. And honestly, nothing helps at all. We have tried melatonin during these cycles, essential oils, no iPad before bed, laying next to us to calm down... nothing at all. So, we just power through it, but we are exhausted the next day AFTER powering through it. So, most of the day was spent laying around and recovering. We swapped nap time and tried to get as rested as we could, even though Tayler was STILL wide awake. :)

We had a movie night as a family and enjoyed some Dorito Packs (anyone else just love those??) and then we all went to the park for a little bit. Ethan wanted to play some basketball and I absolutely love sitting, watching them play, reading, and writing.

The kids also enjoyed their time. Tayler played on the teeter totter, Lucas sat by me with his new toy he bought with his allowance at a yard sale, and Quinnie played basketball!

And after that, we ventured out for a walk! It was such a perfect night. During our walk, our local police department even stopped us and gave the kids popsicles! An amazing gesture that truly made our evening! 

And I had to get a picture of my kiddos and myself walking. I feel like I'm never in pictures and they were all walking next to me last night- and It was absolutely perfect!

And a snap shot of all of us walking to our favorite spot to hang out on our walks:

Wonderful day!! Cheers to Project 365!

Writing Challenge: Day 10 [07.26.2019]

Day 10: Write about something for which you feel strongly.

I feel like if I start talking about all the things I feel strongly about, I'm going to write for about a week straight. I don't even know if I can pick one subject. There are so many things that just fill my soul- that I will forever advocate for and fight for.

I will fight for mental health. I will fight for the people struggling with mental health- because I'm one of them. I will be an understanding person with addicts and those struggling- because I'm there, I've been there. I will be empathetic. I will fight for a better world for those trying to overcome mental health issues. I will fight with you. I will fight for you. Even if I'm down in that hole, I'll still fight for you. On the days I struggle, I'll listen. On the days you struggle, I'll listen.

I will fight for those with Autism and other disabilities. I'm fighting this battle- and I'll fight along side you. Autism affects my family's life every single day. I'm sitting here right now with about 3 hours of sleep under my belt because of Autism. Because it shifts a 'normal life' in to something stressful and overwhelming at times. I will fight for the rights of those battling Autism. Our daughter was diagnosed with non-verbal Autism in January 2015 and it has been a part of our family's life- our family's journey since. And I will be a listening ear to anyone going through this same unbelievable and overwhelming situation.

I could seriously go on for days about the things I feel strongly about. The things I'll advocate for. Some do not need to be said on a public forum- at least not right now. But I will fight with you. We are not victims. We are victors. We are vanquishers.

You can do this.
We can do this.

Project 365x3: Day 7 [07.25.2019]

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day! We Pokemon hunted for little bit (anyone else out there play Pokemon Go?) Team Rocket is taking over Pokestops, so we checked that out for a little bit!

And then I threw dinner in the crock pot! I found this recipe on Pinterest and it was delicious!

They're called Sausage Dip Stuffed Peppers! Here's the recipe:

Brown Italian sausage, then mix a can of rotel with sausage. Next, slice up cream cheese and mix in to rotel/sausage mix. Next, cut the top off of peppers, and stuff with the entire mixture! Put in crock pot, cover with Italian cheese, and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

After dinner, we ran an errand with Pappy and Gigi and we got dressed nice for it :) These kiddos are so stinking cute! I can't even handle it!

AND Quinn lost a tooth today y'all! Her 3rd one! She was so so excited for the tooth fairy to come!!!!

We had an amazing day filled with family, Pokemoning, walks, and more!

Cheers to Project 365!

Writing Challenge: Day 9 [07.25.2019]

Day 9 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Share some words of wisdom that speak to you.

How about if I just share some quotes that have been motivating me the past couple of days?

I love these quotes and have been reading them every single day. They're some of my "mantras" if you will! What are some words of wisdom that you live by?

Project 365x3: Day 6 [07.24.2019]

I spent most of the day setting goals, listening to motivational speakers, and making lists. Ethan and I have been talking about our life and our purpose for quite some time now... and we are making some changes. I'm so beyond ready for it.

I shared something yesterday.. and thought I would share it on this blog as well. One of my friends on FB (thank you Lori!) shared an incredible video by Will Smith yesterday morning (that I listened to about 25 times!) Here's a little bit of what I gathered from his inspirational youtube video:

Are you a VICTIM or a VANQUISHER?

Bad things have happened to you, haven't they? Traumatic things. Things you try to cover up with food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, medication. You were messed up by someone else's choices. You are broken because of someone else's mistakes. Or your own. But either way- look around you. We are all broken in some way. Bad crap has happened to every single one of us. It sucks. It really does. But just like Will Smith said, "Fault and responsibility do not go together. It sucks, but that isn't the way it works." It isn't your fault someone broke you, but it's your responsibility to pick yourself up off the floor and quit being a victim.

Defintion of victim: a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else. : a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else. : someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)

Definition of a vanquisher: Conquer, defeat (utterly), beat (hollow), trounce, annihilate, triumph over, win a resounding victory over, be victorious over, best, get the better of, worst, bring someone to their knees, overcome.

Read that definition again. To triumph over. To bring someone to their knees. To overcome. 

Which one do you want to be? 

Do you want to be someone that wallows in their self pity? In their injuries? In your unpleasant circumstances? Or do you want to bring someone to their knees by showing them IT IS their fault you have pain but they sure as heck aren’t going to make you a victim any longer??? 

"It don’t matter who’s fault it is that something is broken…. if it’s your responsibility to fix it. For example, it’s not somebody’s fault if their father was an abusive, alcoholic, but it’s for da*n sure there responsibility to figure out how they’re gonna deal with those traumas and try to make a life out of it. It’s not your fault if your partner has cheated and ruined your marriage, but it is for da*n sure your responsibility to figure out how to take that pain and how to overcome that and build a happy life for yourself. Fault and responsibility do NOT go together. I know it sucks but they don’t. When we think something is someone else’s fault, we want them to suffer. We want them to pay. We think it’s their responsibility to fix it. But that’s not how it works. Especially when it’s your heart. Your heart. Your life. Your happiness. It’s YOUR responsibility. And your responsibility alone. -Will Smith"

"As long as we are pointing the finger and stuck in who's fault it is... we are jammed and trapped in victim mode... and as long as you're in victim mode, you're in suffering. The road to power is in taking responsibility of your heart and your life."

What are you going to do today?

--

Empowering or what?

After a day spent making goals and attempting to crush some of them, we went on a walk as a family. It was absolutely gorgeous out! After a blazing hot weekend, temps in the 70s have been soothing! Here's some pics from our walk last night:

It was an absolutely amazing day! So thankful for this life!

Cheers to Project 365x3!

Writing Challenge: Day 8 [07.24.2019]

Day 8 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Share something you struggle with.

It is no surprise to many reading this (if you've followed my journey through the years) that my greatest struggle is with fear. I honestly don't know how much of this obstacle I have shared with all of you, but I figured now is as good as time as ever to be raw with you.

December 2006, I was in a public speaking class at one of our local colleges. Someone was giving their speech (along with a slideshow) that shared some graphic images. I started getting really hot and had to leave the room due to feeling like I was going to pass out. It was super odd to me because I'd never felt that way before. Then, it happened again at Walmart a few days later. I was standing at the check out line and I started getting hot and sweaty and felt like I was going to pass out. I threw my stuff down on the counter and ran out of the store. The next day, I didn't show up for my college classes. And the next day, I didn't show up again. And then- I quit.

I dropped out of college. And pretty soon after that, I basically dropped out of life as well. I stopped going places. I stopped going out with friends. I didn't want to be behind the wheel of the car. I didn't want to go to stores. What if this passing out feeling happened again? What if I was driving? What if I was alone? What if I was in the store? What if I was at work?

I literally lost everything.

I dropped out of college.
I lost the "closeness" people shared with their friends.
I lost my sense of independence.
I lost my job.
I lost my sanity.
I lost my faith in God.

I was broken. And struggling.

I struggled to leave the house in early 2007, but I still managed.
But by 2008, I could barely get out the door. There was a point where I didn't leave the house for months. Fear had me gripped and bound.

This was 13 years ago- and I still struggle to this day.

Obviously, strength found me and I was able to leave the house. I met my husband (only over the phone at first) and we eventually moved in together (but only after he understood the depths of my fears.) I eventually had children and powered through medical anxiety as well.

But, leaving the house alone.. going places alone... it's STILL a struggle. I still find myself trapped within the four walls of my home. And there are days I have to push myself out the door in order to do things... still... 13 years later.

It's this fear of being trapped somewhere. Stuck in the back of a store. Stuck in traffic. Having to wait for a meal at a restaurant. Being somewhere with someone who doesn't understand the depths of my anxiety. Who can't calm me down when I'm panicking. It's that fear of passing out.. a constant fear.

It probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it is real for me. And a struggle for me every day. I try and have faith in God Almighty and hope that one day He will have mercy on me. I don't do anything to deserve it. I am a mess of a person and don't deserve a healing, but I pray that He sees fit one day.

What are your struggles? Where do you find yourself pleading for help?