1 Year Anniversary.. A Reflection :)

In 1 week, my husband and I will have been married for ONE year.


It has been a unique year for us, to be honest.


At almost 7 months pregnant, we went to the court house and got married. We had our sweet baby girl in March. We moved out of our trailer in June. We moved in with my parents at the end of June. We made an offer on a home in September. And we are currently moving in to our new home. It has been one crazy adventure so far.


But that's not really what this post is about. This post is a reflection.. and it will reveal the secrets I have learned this first year of marriage. My experience could be similar to yours or it could be entirely different. Either way, I hope you enjoy.


1. They weren't kidding about that ridiculous thing called COMPROMISE. Ugh. I'd heard of it, but it was never really spoken in my presence. I'm as stubborn as they come. I refused to say sorry, because come on.. what would *I* have to be sorry about? I was typically right... (That was my mind set going in to things!) And well look what the Lord done gave me: A man that is just as stubborn. Awesome, I thought, as we were encountering our first argument as a married couple. (See, marriage is different than dating. I could just "leave" if we were dating. Marriage means sticking it out.... or filing for divorce and well, that probably cost money.. and that's something I don't have ;) haha) So, yes, the Lord gave me someone that tested me.. and pushed me.. and made me realize that there are moments when I could have refrained from saying certain things.. or doing certain things. I'll admit it. I know what buttons to press to get a reaction out of him. I'm not perfect. There are times where I don't think something is a "good idea" and you know what? Sometimes, I just have to let it go. Pick your battles is what my mother taught me. And that's what I've learned to do. Some things just aren't worth "hurting" your relationship over... It's as simple as that.


2. Marriage is WORK. When we first started dating, we were so excited to see each other every single night! I'd go all day long without seeing him and just knowing he was driving down to my house started the anticipation for me. It was that "honeymoon" experience. Then, we moved in together. Then we got married. And I am not saying that I don't get excited to see my husband when he comes home from work or anything like that (because I am.. I love jumping into those big arms and giving him a hug!) BUT, the "newness" has worn off. I heard a quote once that stated, "Sometimes you're going to wake up and that love you know you have for the person in the bed next to you, isn't going to come so naturally. See, relationships are never easy. We always say 'no one told us it was going to be this hard' but they do. We choose not to listen, because it seems so unreasonable that one day you will be able to keep your hands off of each other. One day you will spend your free time, away from each other. The only way you can make a relationship last is if you work at it everyday and never give up on it. Because if you take time to fight and argue and still can't imagine leaving them, then you love them. And that's the kind of love that's forever." I'll admit it. I laughed when I heard this at first. Seriously? I'm always going to be madly in love with him. I can't imagine ever being so mad that I don't feel those "love vibes." But guess what? You'll get there, trust me! There are moments where I want to smack him upside the forehead with a frying pan (oops... wait.. you've been there before, right?) He can make me so mad somedays. Sometimes, I don't understand where thoughts come into his brain. But guess what? I still love him and I still can't imagine not having him by my side at the end of the day. He drives me bonkers on a regular basis, but we work past that because our relationship is worth the work. It is worth the sacrifice. It is worth us TRYING. 


3. Don't make your problems PUBLIC. That just brings more drama into your life. I wish I could repeat that over and over again. I made the mistake, early on in our relationship (when we had just started dating) to post a quote on my wall stating EXACTLY how he was making me feel at the moment. Then he gets a phone call from a mutual friend that says, "What's going on with you and Alyssa?" AHHH! No! The kid read through my vagueness (well, it wasn't really vague, but that's what I was aiming for.) And that made things that much worse. Keep your problems... your problems. Don't get on Facebook or any other social networking site and write, "He drives me crazy! What does he expect me to do?! He called my phone yelling at me.. yada yada yada" because chances are A) No one will care or B) They will give you unsolicited advice that will only make you want to back up this relationship you were just slamming. Just leave it alone. Keep it between you two.. and move along.


4. COMMUNICATION. Yes, another subject in which I thought I had a giant A plus. Everyone always told me that. "You're a great communicator, Alyssa." (When in all actuality they meant-- "Hey, you. You talk entirely too much." Yes, I can read between the lines ;)) So, of course, when everyone tells me this, I think, "Shoooot son! I'm going to have this whole marriage thing down pat easily. No work involved." Boy oh boy, I was seriously wrong. I'm actually not that great of a communicator. Like, I can have a spectacular conversation in my own head. I have some great ideas. I have some great plans, but I am not good at conveying things to my husband. I'll forget about a bill I was suppose to remind him about. Or I'll write it down without telling him I wrote it down. (Then, I have to be responsible for my wrong doing. Ewww.) To go even further, when we first started dating, I wouldn't be 'honest' about my feelings. He would do things that I was not a fan of, but I never told him. So, things would just fester inside of me and eat me alive until one day I would just break down and start crying. It was pathetic. I just had to learn that it was okay to tell him the truth about how I feel. It was something that I deserved. And I wanted him to do the same. I had a lot to learn about communication and guess what? I have a lot more to learn! Maybe at our 20 year anniversary I'll be a pro? ;)


5. Marriage is everything I expected it to be. It really is all about having your best friend with you through EVERY SINGLE THING in your life. We have had a roller coaster of a journey, but seriously-- I couldn't imagine having that with any other man that walks this earth. He is my soul mate. We laugh at each other's jokes (and they are the kind of jokes that would make every one else would just stare at us in an awkward silence..) We can talk about anything. We are attracted to one another. We love being compassionate towards one another. We love each other. It's awesome and I'm so thankful that we said "I do" on that cold December day. I wanted to be with him forever. And I got that.


That's a little bit of what I have learned this first year of marriage. What about all of you married ladies out there? What have you learned since you and your husband tied the knot?