1 Corinthians 13:7 states, "Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits." (ERV)
According to Psychology Today, "In 2010, Paul Amato published a review of research on divorce in the prestigious Journal of Marriage and Family. Here is the key take-away: 'At the end of the 20th century, 43% to 46% of marriages were predicted to end in dissolution. Because a small percentage of marriages end in permanent separation rather than divorce, the common belief that about half of all marriages are voluntarily disrupted is a reasonable approximation.'" (LINK)
Now, I first want to start off by saying that if you've been through a divorce, I am in no way judging you for this decision. I know there are circumstances where a marriage is no longer capable of working due to various reasons. You had to make the decision you made for you and your children-- and only you and God know how important this decision was.
Today, I do want to focus on marriages and the importance in not giving up on them.
I read a quote once that stated, "More marriages might survive if couples realized that sometimes the 'better' comes after the 'worse.'" And how true is this? Marriage is full of ups and downs. Our spouses may go through difficult times-- they may change- they may face terrible circumstances-- life may beat them down--
but love doesn't give up on people.
Love doesn't stop trusting.
Love never loses hope.
Love never quits.
It is so easy to have a happy marriage when things are going great in life. When all of your bills are paid, when everyone is healthy, when peace is flowing through your home...
but when the going gets tough- when there isn't enough money in the bank account to pay your electric bill.... when someone is sick... when fear is overwhelming your home.. this is when we have to WORK at our marriages to make sure our vows still hold true.
The traditional wedding vows state:
"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." "I, ___, take you, ___, to be my husband/wife"
But so many times we get focused on the better, richer, and healthy parts that we forget that sometimes our marriages are going to face the worse, poorer, and sickness parts as well-- and our marriages need us to hold on for the ride. Our spouses need us to hold on for the ride.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years this year- and I'll be honest, some days it feels like we have seen more of the worse part of marriage than the better. We have been through a lot in those 7 years and we often find ourselves saying 'if we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all.' There have been times I would say we both have considered tossing in the towel... waving the white flag and surrendering to life. It wasn't because we didn't love each other-- it was because life was so overwhelming that we were losing sight of the love we have for each other. We would have to step back and fight for our marriage-- fight to overcome to the difficult circumstances-- fight to not blame each other for difficult times-- fight to hold our relationship together and face the situation head on.
I read a blog while studying these verses entitled, "5 Essentials for a Thriving Marriage During Difficulties" by Marquis. (LINK)
First was PRAYER.
This is the main thing that should continually be involved in our marriages. Prayer with each other. Pray about the circumstances. Prayer over our attitudes. Prayer of protection of our relationship. Prayer over our spouses. Prayer that we would remember our love for each other-- even when it seems easy to attack one another. Often times, we can't take our anger out on bills unpaid. We can't take our anger out on a sickness attacking us or a relative-- so we find it easier to attack the one person closest to us. This can only damage our relationship. Prayer can heal it.
Second was COMMUNICATION.
Keep an honest line of communication open, especially during difficult times. Your spouse was given to you as a helpmate-- and holding things in can only create an overwhelming amount of bitterness in your spouse and an overwhelming burden on your shoulders. Be honest about your fears-- your concerns--- the weight on your shoulders. Find a moment to talk without distractions or without having to rush.
Third was SUPPORT.
Be each other's best friend-- ESPECIALLY during difficult times. Try to make them laugh. Bring home a small surprise, even if it's a $.97 card. Stay up late watching movies. Have a date night out. Pick up a hobby together. Spend time with each other. Be best friends. Love each other and be there for each other.
Fourth was REST.
Do things to relieve the stress of your current circumstances. Are you struggling in the financial department? That's alright! A walk through the woods holding hands doesn't cost any money. Are you struggling in the health department? Cuddles in bed with a great movie can still be a relaxing, peaceful moment. Do you want to spend a little money? Go find a suite with a hot tub and spend the evening together. Only have a couple hours without the children? Go check out a movie- sit down at a restaurant- walk around town. Whatever it takes to take time for yourselves. Your relationship deserves it and needs it.
Fifth was FAITH.
Have faith that God Almighty WILL provide what your relationship needs whether it is a financial blessing, a spiritual blessing, a physical blessing. Have faith in God that He has your relationship in His hands. Have faith that He is working everything out for your good. Trust Him with that faith.
All of these work together during difficult times to help us keep a positive attitude-- one that doesn't destroy what God has joined together.
The Bible continually reveals how to have a healthy relationship-- one that thrives and benefits our spirits.
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives the same as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it."
Husbands, love your wives. Please, love them. Even during the struggles of this life. I think one of the hardest times of our lives has been when we first started having children. I don't think we argued more than those first years- we were learning so much about each other, so much about being parents. It was overwhelming at times and we honestly could have lost sight of why we fell in love with each other in the first place....
But my goodness, my husband kept loving me. Loved me through my hormone changes during pregnancy. Loved me when I gained weight and had self confidence issues. Loved me when I was exhausted and tired. Loved me when I struggled with anxiety. He loved me. And I truly believe love is what got us through the hard times... and will continue to get us through hard times.
1 Corinthians 7:3 says, " The husband should give his wife what she deserves as his wife. And the wife should give her husband what he deserves as her husband."
Caring for our husbands and wives in every area is crucial to having a satisfying, long lasting marriage. This means caring for our spouse spiritually, emotionally, physically, sexually, financially. Taking care of every area of their life-- that is our mission in this life and something we cannot take lightly. Oftentimes marriages begin to crumble when spouse becomes too preoccupied with other matters-- they begin to neglect their spouse. Remember why you fell in love with him or her in the first place. What made your heart beat faster? What made you want to keep seeing them? Don't forget this- and don't forget to emit it every single day.
I'll be honest- I would say the most trying time in our marriage has been when our daughter was diagnosed with non-verbal Autism. According to an article in the Sage Journals, "Hartley and colleagues (2010) found, in a smaller convenience sample, that 23.5% of parents of children with autism divorced...." Of course, this might sound like a small number, but this means that 1 in 5 marriages where a child has an autism diagnosis typically ends in a divorce. The Sage Journals states, "This can be a product of changing expectations regarding the care and development of the child with autism, the child’s difficult-to-manage behavior, juggling often hectic therapy schedules, financial challenges, and battling with schools and insurance companies to obtain appropriate care....."
We dealt with so many scary and frustrating situations- especially during the initial diagnosis. I battled with anger towards God. I was bitter and didn't understand why He would want to leave her in this situation. I was mad at myself-- fearful that I didn't do something right, didn't take her to the doctor earlier. We were stressed out because we had to switch insurance companies, take her to therapy appointment after therapy appointment, go to doctor's appointments, complete evaluations that sometimes took hours. Our daughter was diagnosed in January 2015, at 3 years old. And at that point- we also had an almost 2-year old and a 3-month old. It was overwhelming... exhausting... and it began to take a toll on our marriage.
But one night I remember laying in bed talking and my husband said, 'Our love is worth sticking together during this. Remember that. Even on the bad days when we are falling apart, our love is worth sticking together through this." And that's what we did. Of course, we had our arguments. Stress ate away at our souls for a period of time.. but here we are 2 years after the diagnosis... still loving, still pushing forward.
We have been through a lot in our 7 years of marriage, but I am so thankful that God Almighty continually reminds us about 1 Corinthians 13.
Love never gives up on people.
Love never stops trusting.
Love never loses hope.
Love never quits.
Even when it seems easier to give up.
Even when it seems easier to stop trusting God.
Even when it seems easier to lose hope and let go.
Even when it seems easier to quit.
Love holds on.
Today, think back to when you first met your spouse. Where did you meet? What initially attracted you to your spouse? What did you fall in love with about them? What made you want to continue dating them? What made you want to marry them?
And then ask yourself- have you lost sight of that? Have you forgotten why they stole your heart in the first place?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments! I would love to hear your love story- where you met, who asked who out, why you initially liked your spouse, why you wanted to marry them.... I would love to hear it!
Don't lose sight of your love for them today. I know life can be tough-- especially when you are going through changes. Especially when the bills aren't paid. Especially when you don't know how you're going to put food on the table. Especially when someone is sick. Especially when a life changing situation is occuring. I know. But remember that God gave you your spouse to help you through it... bless you through it.... He didn't give them to you as a metaphorical punching bag... someone to take your frustration and stress out on. He gave them to you to love.. and for them to love you back and help you through the hard times.
Love never gives up on people.
Love never stops trusting.
Love never loses hope.
Love never quits.
According to Psychology Today, "In 2010, Paul Amato published a review of research on divorce in the prestigious Journal of Marriage and Family. Here is the key take-away: 'At the end of the 20th century, 43% to 46% of marriages were predicted to end in dissolution. Because a small percentage of marriages end in permanent separation rather than divorce, the common belief that about half of all marriages are voluntarily disrupted is a reasonable approximation.'" (LINK)
Now, I first want to start off by saying that if you've been through a divorce, I am in no way judging you for this decision. I know there are circumstances where a marriage is no longer capable of working due to various reasons. You had to make the decision you made for you and your children-- and only you and God know how important this decision was.
Today, I do want to focus on marriages and the importance in not giving up on them.
I read a quote once that stated, "More marriages might survive if couples realized that sometimes the 'better' comes after the 'worse.'" And how true is this? Marriage is full of ups and downs. Our spouses may go through difficult times-- they may change- they may face terrible circumstances-- life may beat them down--
but love doesn't give up on people.
Love doesn't stop trusting.
Love never loses hope.
Love never quits.
It is so easy to have a happy marriage when things are going great in life. When all of your bills are paid, when everyone is healthy, when peace is flowing through your home...
but when the going gets tough- when there isn't enough money in the bank account to pay your electric bill.... when someone is sick... when fear is overwhelming your home.. this is when we have to WORK at our marriages to make sure our vows still hold true.
The traditional wedding vows state:
"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." "I, ___, take you, ___, to be my husband/wife"
But so many times we get focused on the better, richer, and healthy parts that we forget that sometimes our marriages are going to face the worse, poorer, and sickness parts as well-- and our marriages need us to hold on for the ride. Our spouses need us to hold on for the ride.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years this year- and I'll be honest, some days it feels like we have seen more of the worse part of marriage than the better. We have been through a lot in those 7 years and we often find ourselves saying 'if we didn't have bad luck, we wouldn't have any luck at all.' There have been times I would say we both have considered tossing in the towel... waving the white flag and surrendering to life. It wasn't because we didn't love each other-- it was because life was so overwhelming that we were losing sight of the love we have for each other. We would have to step back and fight for our marriage-- fight to overcome to the difficult circumstances-- fight to not blame each other for difficult times-- fight to hold our relationship together and face the situation head on.
I read a blog while studying these verses entitled, "5 Essentials for a Thriving Marriage During Difficulties" by Marquis. (LINK)
First was PRAYER.
This is the main thing that should continually be involved in our marriages. Prayer with each other. Pray about the circumstances. Prayer over our attitudes. Prayer of protection of our relationship. Prayer over our spouses. Prayer that we would remember our love for each other-- even when it seems easy to attack one another. Often times, we can't take our anger out on bills unpaid. We can't take our anger out on a sickness attacking us or a relative-- so we find it easier to attack the one person closest to us. This can only damage our relationship. Prayer can heal it.
Second was COMMUNICATION.
Keep an honest line of communication open, especially during difficult times. Your spouse was given to you as a helpmate-- and holding things in can only create an overwhelming amount of bitterness in your spouse and an overwhelming burden on your shoulders. Be honest about your fears-- your concerns--- the weight on your shoulders. Find a moment to talk without distractions or without having to rush.
Third was SUPPORT.
Be each other's best friend-- ESPECIALLY during difficult times. Try to make them laugh. Bring home a small surprise, even if it's a $.97 card. Stay up late watching movies. Have a date night out. Pick up a hobby together. Spend time with each other. Be best friends. Love each other and be there for each other.
Fourth was REST.
Do things to relieve the stress of your current circumstances. Are you struggling in the financial department? That's alright! A walk through the woods holding hands doesn't cost any money. Are you struggling in the health department? Cuddles in bed with a great movie can still be a relaxing, peaceful moment. Do you want to spend a little money? Go find a suite with a hot tub and spend the evening together. Only have a couple hours without the children? Go check out a movie- sit down at a restaurant- walk around town. Whatever it takes to take time for yourselves. Your relationship deserves it and needs it.
Fifth was FAITH.
Have faith that God Almighty WILL provide what your relationship needs whether it is a financial blessing, a spiritual blessing, a physical blessing. Have faith in God that He has your relationship in His hands. Have faith that He is working everything out for your good. Trust Him with that faith.
All of these work together during difficult times to help us keep a positive attitude-- one that doesn't destroy what God has joined together.
The Bible continually reveals how to have a healthy relationship-- one that thrives and benefits our spirits.
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives the same as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it."
Husbands, love your wives. Please, love them. Even during the struggles of this life. I think one of the hardest times of our lives has been when we first started having children. I don't think we argued more than those first years- we were learning so much about each other, so much about being parents. It was overwhelming at times and we honestly could have lost sight of why we fell in love with each other in the first place....
But my goodness, my husband kept loving me. Loved me through my hormone changes during pregnancy. Loved me when I gained weight and had self confidence issues. Loved me when I was exhausted and tired. Loved me when I struggled with anxiety. He loved me. And I truly believe love is what got us through the hard times... and will continue to get us through hard times.
1 Corinthians 7:3 says, " The husband should give his wife what she deserves as his wife. And the wife should give her husband what he deserves as her husband."
Caring for our husbands and wives in every area is crucial to having a satisfying, long lasting marriage. This means caring for our spouse spiritually, emotionally, physically, sexually, financially. Taking care of every area of their life-- that is our mission in this life and something we cannot take lightly. Oftentimes marriages begin to crumble when spouse becomes too preoccupied with other matters-- they begin to neglect their spouse. Remember why you fell in love with him or her in the first place. What made your heart beat faster? What made you want to keep seeing them? Don't forget this- and don't forget to emit it every single day.
I'll be honest- I would say the most trying time in our marriage has been when our daughter was diagnosed with non-verbal Autism. According to an article in the Sage Journals, "Hartley and colleagues (2010) found, in a smaller convenience sample, that 23.5% of parents of children with autism divorced...." Of course, this might sound like a small number, but this means that 1 in 5 marriages where a child has an autism diagnosis typically ends in a divorce. The Sage Journals states, "This can be a product of changing expectations regarding the care and development of the child with autism, the child’s difficult-to-manage behavior, juggling often hectic therapy schedules, financial challenges, and battling with schools and insurance companies to obtain appropriate care....."
We dealt with so many scary and frustrating situations- especially during the initial diagnosis. I battled with anger towards God. I was bitter and didn't understand why He would want to leave her in this situation. I was mad at myself-- fearful that I didn't do something right, didn't take her to the doctor earlier. We were stressed out because we had to switch insurance companies, take her to therapy appointment after therapy appointment, go to doctor's appointments, complete evaluations that sometimes took hours. Our daughter was diagnosed in January 2015, at 3 years old. And at that point- we also had an almost 2-year old and a 3-month old. It was overwhelming... exhausting... and it began to take a toll on our marriage.
But one night I remember laying in bed talking and my husband said, 'Our love is worth sticking together during this. Remember that. Even on the bad days when we are falling apart, our love is worth sticking together through this." And that's what we did. Of course, we had our arguments. Stress ate away at our souls for a period of time.. but here we are 2 years after the diagnosis... still loving, still pushing forward.
We have been through a lot in our 7 years of marriage, but I am so thankful that God Almighty continually reminds us about 1 Corinthians 13.
Love never gives up on people.
Love never stops trusting.
Love never loses hope.
Love never quits.
Even when it seems easier to give up.
Even when it seems easier to stop trusting God.
Even when it seems easier to lose hope and let go.
Even when it seems easier to quit.
Love holds on.
Today, think back to when you first met your spouse. Where did you meet? What initially attracted you to your spouse? What did you fall in love with about them? What made you want to continue dating them? What made you want to marry them?
And then ask yourself- have you lost sight of that? Have you forgotten why they stole your heart in the first place?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments! I would love to hear your love story- where you met, who asked who out, why you initially liked your spouse, why you wanted to marry them.... I would love to hear it!
Don't lose sight of your love for them today. I know life can be tough-- especially when you are going through changes. Especially when the bills aren't paid. Especially when you don't know how you're going to put food on the table. Especially when someone is sick. Especially when a life changing situation is occuring. I know. But remember that God gave you your spouse to help you through it... bless you through it.... He didn't give them to you as a metaphorical punching bag... someone to take your frustration and stress out on. He gave them to you to love.. and for them to love you back and help you through the hard times.
Love never gives up on people.
Love never stops trusting.
Love never loses hope.
Love never quits.
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