1 Corinthians 13:4 says, "Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love...."
Love Is Not Envious.
Envious, according to the dictionary, is described as, "resentful, jealous, covetous..."
Envy is a pit that we must prayerfully defend our souls from. If we let jealousy begin to creep in to our relationships, if we give that inch- jealousy will inevitably take a mile.
In Genesis chapter 4, we read about Cain and Abel. They were brothers, the offspring of Adam and Eve. In verse 4, we read that Abel brought an appropriate sacrifice to the Lord; however, Cain did not. This made Cain very angry-- and jealousy began to make it's way into Cain's heart. Genesis 4:8 states, "Cain spoke to his brother Abel. When they were in the field, Cain’s envy of his brother got the better of him, and he attacked and killed Abel." (The Voice)
Cain's envy of his brother got the better of him-- and he murdered his own brother.
Jealousy will take us down a dangerous path if we let it.
In Galatians 5, Paul discusses the works of the flesh. He writes:
"It’s clear that our flesh entices us into practicing some of its most heinous acts: participating in corrupt sexual relationships, impurity, unbridled lust, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, arguing, jealousy, anger, selfishness, contentiousness, division, envy of others’ good fortune,drunkenness, drunken revelry, and other shameful vices that plague humankind. I told you this clearly before, and I only tell you again so there is no room for confusion: those who give in to these ways will not inherit the kingdom of God."
There is no room for this in the kingdom of God.
Envying/jealousy is included.
The Message gives a great interpretation to these verses (Galatians 5:19-21):
"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom."
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all of the time-- the root of jealousy.
And jealousy only breeds self-absorbed actions.
Jealousy breeds a lack of contentment.
It breeds cravings that often cannot be satisfied.
God calls us to a life of contentment--- even in our relationships.
What Jealousy Looks Like in a Marriage/Committed Relationship
We can be jealous in many areas of our lives. We can be jealous of a friend for that new hand bag they bought. We can be jealous of a sibling because of their successes. We can be jealous of a co-worker because of their raise...
and we can have jealousy in a marriage as well.
What does jealousy look like in a committed relationship?
1. It is possessiveness.
He/She is all mine and should spend all his/her time with me. A possessive spirit can smother a relationship. Both parties need time to breathe outside of the relationship. I read a quote once that stated, "You must love in such a way that the other person you love feels free." Possessiveness leads to resentment- anger- spite- bitterness- and unneeded stress. Autonomy outside of the relationship is healthy and needed.
2. It is thinking the other person's life is easier.
Have you ever heard a couple arguing and one party says, "I wish I had your life..." or "If you only walked a day in my shoes at work you would understand." Relationships are not a competition-- and your lives are not competitions either. In Matthew 19, Jesus discusses marriage and He writes, "For this reason, a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” If a husband and wife are one flesh, how can they divorce? Divorce would be a bloody amputation, would it not? “What God has brought together, let no man separate." What God has brought together, let no man separate--- including spirits such as the spirit of jealousy. Marriage brings two people together as one-- jealousy divides that. If we want a successful, lasting relationship we must understand and know that the other person works just as hard, even if it is a different kind of 'work.'
3. It is constantly questioning other relationships.
It is okay for your spouse to have appropriate relationships outside of your relationship. Jealousy is attempting to control our spouse- including their relationships (relationships of the opposite sex as well.) As long as there is a level of appropriateness between the two friends, the relationship should not feel threatened. Jealousy is attempting to consistently intervene. We have to have a level of trust in our relationships. Jealousy destroys trust-- and it changes our spirits into something we won't even recognize if we allow it. Trust me- I've been there multiple times! And God constantly has to remind me-- if you cannot trust your husband, why are you in a relationship? He will say, 'Alyssa- do you trust him?' 'Alyssa- is he being inappropriate?' God says- If you trust him and he is not being inappropriate, quit letting your insecurities get the best of you! It is destroying your relationship and killing that beautiful spirit I put in you.
4. It is being jealous of success.
Sometimes our significant others are going to be doing 'better than us.' They might get a pay raise. They might receive a great job with great benefits. But the beauty of two becoming one is this--- we are happy for our significant other because their success is our success. I remember watching a movie or TV show once (I can't remember which one for the life of me!) but in it, the wife gained a great deal of success and the husband was struggling with it. Struggling with feeling insecure and less and the wife looked at him and said, 'Sometimes you are going to do better than me. Sometimes I'm going to be doing better than you. But if I have success-- it is because of you. It is because you are my strength and my motivation." This is how we have to look at it in a relationship. If either partner is successful- it is because they are a team.
5. It is being jealous of extracurricular activities.
Now, I'm going to be completely raw and transparent with you here. This is the one that I've always struggled with. See, I'm a stay at home Mom of 3 beautiful babies. My husband works 13 hour days. And the days he has off work, sometimes he finds his way to a race track or a lake. And I sit and have a pity party thinking, 'Must be nice! I sit at home all day and he gets to do whatever he wants.' Seriously- I've been there! I have been that person that held bitterness and resentment towards my husband because he spent some days off doing a hobby. I remember sitting here feeling sorry for myself one day and I felt God tugging on my heart saying, 'I thought you loved him..' Of course I thought, "I do love him!!!!! How dare You Lord.' And I remember God telling me-- 'Then quit feeling sorry for yourself and realize he needs time alone too! He works 60 hours a week and then you expect him to put aside who he is outside of the relationship too???' We all have hobbies and needs outside of the marriage and if we aren't careful.. and we put those on the backburner.. we will find ourselves miserable and wondering who the heck we are. Wives- we must be mindful to take care of ourselves too! And not get mad when our husband wants to do the same. If you need time alone- plan it. Be honest with your spouse. Tell him your soul needs a few hours of alone time- read, sew, do crafts, go for a run.. whatever is YOU outside of your relationship. Go do it. It is healthy-- healthy for you and healthy for your husband. It is all about balance- balance between spending time with your family and spending time caring for yourself.
Jealousy is bondage.
Mature love is freedom.
I read a quote on Pinterest that stated:
"Mature love also frees the other to do the things they need to grow in happiness and efficiency. Mature love is non-possessive and non-jealous. It allows the other to get many needs met outside the relationship. These attributes of freedom differ from lesser love relationships that state, 'You're free to be anyone you want, as long as I approve and you're free do anything you want, as long as I am included.' A mature lover does not fear losing a loved one because they never owned the loved one in the first place." (Michael Cavanaugh)
Jealousy is living in captivity.
Resting in a trustworthy relationship is freeing.
Love is not envious....
God bless you all today.
Love Is Not Envious.
Envious, according to the dictionary, is described as, "resentful, jealous, covetous..."
Envy is a pit that we must prayerfully defend our souls from. If we let jealousy begin to creep in to our relationships, if we give that inch- jealousy will inevitably take a mile.
In Genesis chapter 4, we read about Cain and Abel. They were brothers, the offspring of Adam and Eve. In verse 4, we read that Abel brought an appropriate sacrifice to the Lord; however, Cain did not. This made Cain very angry-- and jealousy began to make it's way into Cain's heart. Genesis 4:8 states, "Cain spoke to his brother Abel. When they were in the field, Cain’s envy of his brother got the better of him, and he attacked and killed Abel." (The Voice)
Cain's envy of his brother got the better of him-- and he murdered his own brother.
Jealousy will take us down a dangerous path if we let it.
In Galatians 5, Paul discusses the works of the flesh. He writes:
"It’s clear that our flesh entices us into practicing some of its most heinous acts: participating in corrupt sexual relationships, impurity, unbridled lust, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, arguing, jealousy, anger, selfishness, contentiousness, division, envy of others’ good fortune,drunkenness, drunken revelry, and other shameful vices that plague humankind. I told you this clearly before, and I only tell you again so there is no room for confusion: those who give in to these ways will not inherit the kingdom of God."
There is no room for this in the kingdom of God.
Envying/jealousy is included.
The Message gives a great interpretation to these verses (Galatians 5:19-21):
"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom."
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all of the time-- the root of jealousy.
And jealousy only breeds self-absorbed actions.
Jealousy breeds a lack of contentment.
It breeds cravings that often cannot be satisfied.
God calls us to a life of contentment--- even in our relationships.
What Jealousy Looks Like in a Marriage/Committed Relationship
We can be jealous in many areas of our lives. We can be jealous of a friend for that new hand bag they bought. We can be jealous of a sibling because of their successes. We can be jealous of a co-worker because of their raise...
and we can have jealousy in a marriage as well.
What does jealousy look like in a committed relationship?
1. It is possessiveness.
He/She is all mine and should spend all his/her time with me. A possessive spirit can smother a relationship. Both parties need time to breathe outside of the relationship. I read a quote once that stated, "You must love in such a way that the other person you love feels free." Possessiveness leads to resentment- anger- spite- bitterness- and unneeded stress. Autonomy outside of the relationship is healthy and needed.
2. It is thinking the other person's life is easier.
Have you ever heard a couple arguing and one party says, "I wish I had your life..." or "If you only walked a day in my shoes at work you would understand." Relationships are not a competition-- and your lives are not competitions either. In Matthew 19, Jesus discusses marriage and He writes, "For this reason, a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” If a husband and wife are one flesh, how can they divorce? Divorce would be a bloody amputation, would it not? “What God has brought together, let no man separate." What God has brought together, let no man separate--- including spirits such as the spirit of jealousy. Marriage brings two people together as one-- jealousy divides that. If we want a successful, lasting relationship we must understand and know that the other person works just as hard, even if it is a different kind of 'work.'
3. It is constantly questioning other relationships.
It is okay for your spouse to have appropriate relationships outside of your relationship. Jealousy is attempting to control our spouse- including their relationships (relationships of the opposite sex as well.) As long as there is a level of appropriateness between the two friends, the relationship should not feel threatened. Jealousy is attempting to consistently intervene. We have to have a level of trust in our relationships. Jealousy destroys trust-- and it changes our spirits into something we won't even recognize if we allow it. Trust me- I've been there multiple times! And God constantly has to remind me-- if you cannot trust your husband, why are you in a relationship? He will say, 'Alyssa- do you trust him?' 'Alyssa- is he being inappropriate?' God says- If you trust him and he is not being inappropriate, quit letting your insecurities get the best of you! It is destroying your relationship and killing that beautiful spirit I put in you.
4. It is being jealous of success.
Sometimes our significant others are going to be doing 'better than us.' They might get a pay raise. They might receive a great job with great benefits. But the beauty of two becoming one is this--- we are happy for our significant other because their success is our success. I remember watching a movie or TV show once (I can't remember which one for the life of me!) but in it, the wife gained a great deal of success and the husband was struggling with it. Struggling with feeling insecure and less and the wife looked at him and said, 'Sometimes you are going to do better than me. Sometimes I'm going to be doing better than you. But if I have success-- it is because of you. It is because you are my strength and my motivation." This is how we have to look at it in a relationship. If either partner is successful- it is because they are a team.
5. It is being jealous of extracurricular activities.
Now, I'm going to be completely raw and transparent with you here. This is the one that I've always struggled with. See, I'm a stay at home Mom of 3 beautiful babies. My husband works 13 hour days. And the days he has off work, sometimes he finds his way to a race track or a lake. And I sit and have a pity party thinking, 'Must be nice! I sit at home all day and he gets to do whatever he wants.' Seriously- I've been there! I have been that person that held bitterness and resentment towards my husband because he spent some days off doing a hobby. I remember sitting here feeling sorry for myself one day and I felt God tugging on my heart saying, 'I thought you loved him..' Of course I thought, "I do love him!!!!! How dare You Lord.' And I remember God telling me-- 'Then quit feeling sorry for yourself and realize he needs time alone too! He works 60 hours a week and then you expect him to put aside who he is outside of the relationship too???' We all have hobbies and needs outside of the marriage and if we aren't careful.. and we put those on the backburner.. we will find ourselves miserable and wondering who the heck we are. Wives- we must be mindful to take care of ourselves too! And not get mad when our husband wants to do the same. If you need time alone- plan it. Be honest with your spouse. Tell him your soul needs a few hours of alone time- read, sew, do crafts, go for a run.. whatever is YOU outside of your relationship. Go do it. It is healthy-- healthy for you and healthy for your husband. It is all about balance- balance between spending time with your family and spending time caring for yourself.
Jealousy is bondage.
Mature love is freedom.
I read a quote on Pinterest that stated:
"Mature love also frees the other to do the things they need to grow in happiness and efficiency. Mature love is non-possessive and non-jealous. It allows the other to get many needs met outside the relationship. These attributes of freedom differ from lesser love relationships that state, 'You're free to be anyone you want, as long as I approve and you're free do anything you want, as long as I am included.' A mature lover does not fear losing a loved one because they never owned the loved one in the first place." (Michael Cavanaugh)
Jealousy is living in captivity.
Resting in a trustworthy relationship is freeing.
Love is not envious....
God bless you all today.
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