I Will Not Let Anything Gain Control Over My Life

Titus 2:3 states, "Also, teach the older women to live the way those who serve the Lord should live. They should not go around saying bad things about others or be in the habit of drinking too much...." (ERV)

Titus 2:3- "In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking...." (CSB)

Titus 2:3- "Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks...."

One important thing to remember here is that Paul was asking for the older women of the church to rise up and be examples to the younger women. He wanted them to live blameless lives so that the younger women of the church could be taught what God desires of us. Older women and younger women alike were asked to withstand excessive drinking/drunkenness.

I Realize the Irony.

As someone that has struggled with alcohol, I realize the irony in writing this post. Honestly, I had to push past thoughts from the enemy. The entire time I was writing this, I kept thinking 'Hypocrite. People are going to call you a hypocrite- fake.' I have started and stopped writing this many times out of fear... but I am going to try and write this as the woman I am today and reflect on the woman I have been. 

I have been through trials over the past few years-- and most were my own doing. But through these trials, I believe God has opened my eyes to WHY He asks us to resist drunkenness and too much wine. 

Drunk Wherein is Excess

Ephesians 5:18 states, "Do not be drunk with wine, which will ruin you, but be filled with the Spirit." (NCV)

Ephesians 5:18- "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;" (KJV)

Excess means "an amount of something that is more than necessary, permitted, or desirable; lack of moderation in an activity, especially eating or drinking."

Jesus calls us to be not drunk with wine- especially more than necessary. 

In 2 Samuel chapter 11, we read about King David and Uriah. King David was later called 'a man after God's own heart,' but before that, David fell into a life of lust. He desired a married woman named Bathsheba. She was the wife of Uriah. He ended up having an affair with Bathsheba and she became pregnant with his child. When David found this out, he asked for his servants to bring Uriah to him. Uriah was a good man. He didn't stay in his own house during the war because he knew that the servants were out there camping in open fields and he felt wrong to sleep in the comfort of his own home, with his wife, and food and drink. David then asked him to come over to his house and---- David got Uriah drunk. Once again, Uriah did not go home. The next day, David wrote a letter to the commander to put Uriah on the front line of the battle- and to leave him alone so that he would be killed. Uriah was in fact killed. Bathsheba was then brought to David and she married him and gave birth to their son.

2 Samuel chapter 11 ends with "But the thing that David had done [with Bathsheba] was evil in the sight of the Lord."

David was so blinded by lust that he did whatever he had to in order to get the married woman he desired.

Uriah was a good man. However, drunkenness only strengthened David's cause. In this situation, David was the enemy with a plan- and Uriah fell right in to it.

We lose sight of what we are supposed to be doing- of the person we are- of the tricks of the enemy- when we are drunk. We speak things we do not mean, we act in a manner we wouldn't typically act. David used drunkenness to progress his plan and Uriah simply trusted instead of following God's Word.


The Stronghold of Alcohol.

Alcohol will get a grip on your life-- if you allow it. It will blind you from purpose. It will steal what you love. 

I've been there.

I know I tell my story over and over, but I know the temporary comfort alcohol can give and the power that has over a vulnerable person.

I struggled with anxiety and hypochondria for so long. Nothing worked for me. And then one day, I sat down and drank a glass of wine for dinner. I started feeling good with that glass of wine. So, the next night I thought- well, guess I'll have two and see if I feel any better. And this only progressed. I began waiting by the phone for my husband to call me and tell me he was on his way home from work so I could pour a glass and get my night started. I was drinking earlier and earlier in the day. Saturdays, I would start at 10am and drink clear through the rest of the day-- just so I could feel relaxed, at peace. But drinking that long and that much- I began becoming drunk every day of the week. I remember a Wednesday night in fact, I was so drunk that I passed out in front of our bedroom door. I was woken up by my daughter screaming because she thought I was hurt. She was yelling 'Mommy, get up. I'm scared. I'm so scared." And I realized right then and there--- I had to change. God had to do something to help me. I could tell my husband was becoming overwhelmed with the situation. I was acting like a person I didn't even know-- in so many areas. I was losing my family, one day, one drink at a time. Alcohol had a grip. And I didn't know how to get it to let me go.

God doesn't ask us to 'be not drunk with alcohol wherein is excess' to take away our fun. He asks us to be mindful of our alcohol ingestion because He knows the damage alcohol can do to our lives, our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. 

I wouldn't have done half the things I've done in my life if it weren't for being drunk. And that speaks volumes to me.

God has been helping me overcome the pressures of alcohol. It has been a slow process, but we are making progress together. I love the person I have become through Him and I am so thankful that He helps me manage my anxiety and hypochondria-- through prayer, His Word, worship music, and friendship.

I had a rough day Thursday. It was the first time in 2 months that I felt like I NEEDED to drink something to feel better. I was battling with anxiety and I felt overwhelmed, but thank God for our ladies bible study group. I just kept telling myself 'get through til they get here. You can do this.' Praying without ceasing that God would help me overcome. Thankfully these ladies poured in to this house and I felt strong just by them being here. God was showing me that I could replace my unhealthy habits with wholesome habits-- and I COULD overcome anxiety without those glasses of wine.

Self-Control.

The Bible doesn't say 'never drink a glass of wine.' It does say things like: honor your temple (your body)(1 Corinthians 6:19-20), do all things in the name of Jesus Christ (Colossians 3:23), be not drunk with wine (Ephesians 5:18)...

Romans 14:13 states, "Let us therefore stop turning critical eyes on one another. If we must be critical, let us be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble or fall." (Phillips)

I believe this stands true for our own lives as well.

Let us be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make US (or anyone else) stumble or fall.

He Picked Me Up.

The beautiful thing about Jesus Christ is His mercy and grace.  He saw me when I was that broken, lost, scared person laying passed out on the living room floor... and His heart broke. Because I couldn't fix my insides on my own-- and I was trying to find peace in all the wrong places.

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

I would actually change that quote to say "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which Jesus Christ rebuilt my life" because He did. Through faith- through self-control- through love... He helped by healing my heart- by healing my family. He gave me life again and a second chance to be the wife and mother He called me to be.

1 Corinthians 6:12 states, "“I am allowed to do anything,” you say. My answer to this is that not all things are good. Even if it is true that “I am allowed to do anything,” I will not let anything control me like a slave." (ERV)

"Someone may say, “I’m allowed to do anything,” but not everything is helpful. I’m allowed to do anything, but I won’t allow anything to gain control over my life." (GW)

"Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims" (MSG)

"I am allowed to do all things, but not everything is good for me to do! Even if I am free to do all things, I will not do them if I think it would be hard for me to stop when I know I should." (NLV)

I will not let anything to control me like a slave. I will not be brought under the power of anything. 

Thank You Jesus for bringing me out of that darkness. Thank You for helping me cope with my anxiety. Thank You for helping me to not be a slave to alcohol anymore. 

I realize now the hold it had on my life and I see why God has called us to a life of withstanding drunkenness. You have less control over your mind when you are drunk-- you are brought under alcohol's power. Jesus, the only power I want active in my life is YOUR power.

Please, forgive me for the person I have been. Forgive me for losing sight of who You called me to be. Jesus, continue to strengthen my soul and my will-power. I plead self-control over my life and the life of others. Help us to be the people You created us to be, Jesus. We love You, amen.