It Only Took One Verse..

I feel like I'm constantly drawn back to the story of Saul's conversion.

A story of redemption, mercy, grace, and true repentance.

Acts 9:1-8

In Acts chapter 9 verses 1-8,  we read about how Saul threatened and slaughtered those bearing the name of  Jesus. On  his way to Damascus, a light came from heaven, and a voice asked Saul why he persecuted against Him (Jesus.) This frightened Saul and he asked what he needed to do. Jesus told him to go to Damascus and he would understand there, then he was blinded and had to be led in to the city by his companions.

Acts 9:9

Verse 9 says he dwelt  in Damascus for 3 days without sight,  food, or drink. He was left in darkness, filled with confusion and desire to be healed. 

Lord, I feel like I am there. Blinded by mistakes. Stuck in darkness. No sign of light... or healing. Loneliness. Desperation. Desire.

Acts 9:10-16

In verses 10-16, we read about where Jesus called Ananias to go minister to Saul. Ananias knew of the evil that Saul had done to saints. In one of the verses Ananias even says, "Master! You can't be serious! Everybody's talking about this man and the terrible things he has been doing.."

How many of us feel like we have been there? Everyone speaks of the negative you have done. They remind you of your mistakes and your failures and your lack of perfection... Refusal to let you move on from who have been to who God wants you to be. Ananias couldn't believe that God would call someone so full of hatred and evil.. but God saw POTENTIAL.. NOT PAST. 

but Jesus told Ananias that Saul was a chosen vessel and that he needed to go to him. God even told Ananias "Don't argue." He was serious about this mission. 

Acts 9:17-19

In verses 17-19, Saul is filled with the Holy Spirit, his eyes  are opened, and he was baptized. Ananias told Saul that God had sent him and as soon as he spoke those words, Saul could see, he was baptized, and filled with God's spirit.

Now- here is the part that changed my life this morning.

I battle with an immense amount of guilt. Of course, I rest in the promise that when I asked for forgiveness and made a life style change, that He accepted that sincerity and granted me repentance for my sins; however, every day I battle with this voice that says,  'Congrats! You made a lifestyle change for a short period of time. Doesn't  mean you  are good with God still. Change isn't a few weeks or months,.... it requires more time than that. You want God's favor?   Keep this change up for a few years,' Now, I'm not saying God is telling me this. I'm saying a negative voice is speaking this to me and then guilt overwhelms me and I think, 'Okay, maybe that's  right. Maybe I need to do something more for repentance to be active in my life.  Maybe grace hasn't kicked in yet...'

So,  yesterday, I spent time weeping before God, asking for a Word from Him concerning grace. I was desperate for it. My aching heart needed it.  I begged for Him to send it... for Him to have someone else send me a Word, but it never came. I  felt like that negative voice was right. Maybe he couldn't even really speak to me any more. Maybe I was so far past that , it  was going to take months or years to get back to that place. 

Then this morning, 'In Christ Alone' came on and I was privileged enough to just sit here in His presence. And He hit me like a ton of bricks  with this chapter.

As I previously said, verses 17-19, Saul is converted. He is baptized with the Holy Ghost and with water. He is changed. 

And guess what he does between verses 19 to 20??

HE PREACHES THE GOSPEL.

Acts 9:19 tells us that Saul was baptized and healed.

Acts 9:20 tells us that Saul went right to work, wasting no time, preaching in the meeting places that Jesus was the Son of God.

BAM, Let that sink in.

He doesn't spend 4 chapters of the Bible wallowing in self pity. He doesn't let guilt and shame eat him alive. He doesn't spend countless hours trying to earn the grace, mercy, and repentance of God.  From the moment of conversion to the next verse, he starts preaching the Word of God. 

Sure, in verse 21, he had the people that were throwing his past in his face. They said things like "Isn't this the same man who wreaked havoc in Jerusalem among the believers? And didn't he come here to do the same thing- arrest us and drag us off to jail in Jerusalem for sentencing by the high priest?"

There will be individuals who do not forget your mistakes. They will hold them against you. They will be in disbelief that you can change... but be like Saul... 

In verse 22 it says their suspicions didn't slow Saul down for even a minute! His momentum only increased and he plowed straight into the opposition.

Use that disbelief as fuel.

He didn't let his past stop him from his future. He didn't spend time wondering if his repentance really worked. He didn't toil  over what he had done.. he simply moved forward.. immediately. He accepted God's forgiveness, grace, and mercy... and that's all he needed .

God, please help me to stop wondering if repentance really worked because it has been a short time.. not years. Please stop letting me feel anguish over the past.. please help me to realize that even if I don't feel deserving of Your grace and mercy, that You still pour it out on us, Please help me  to understand that true forgiveness is turning your back on sin.. and if I have done that with a genuine heart, then You truly forgive me. I love you and I want to be a vessel for you. Thank You for Your word today concerning Saul/.Paul. My soul desperately needed it.