Proverbs 31:23-- "Her husband is respected in the gates...." (WEB)
Proverbs 31:23-- "Her husband is respected at the city gate." (NIRV)
The Proverbs 31 woman had a husband that was respected and recognized around the city. One way our husband can be respected and recognized is through being built up and respected by his own wife.
Proverbs 14:1 states, "A wise woman strengthens her family, but a foolish woman destroys hers by what she does." (ICB)
The saying goes, "Behind every great man is a great woman," and this is true even for our husbands. God designed us to be his helpmate, but the question is: are we helping him or pushing him back down?
The Time Warps Wife suggested 6 ways to build up your husband:
1.) LISTEN to what he has to say so that you will recognize what is on his heart.
I love this because I feel like a lot of times we get caught up in the busyness of life. Your husband gets home from work and kids are screaming, dishes need done, you're cooking dinner, timers are going off. Everything probably feels a little chaotic. He walks in the door with the weight of the world on his shoulders from the day... and we don't have a few seconds to LISTEN. To just let him vent or pour out his frustrations. We don't get to see what is on his heart. What is weighing him down. The burdens he needs help with. God, help us to learn to slow down and listen. Not just hear, but truly listen.
2.) Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married.
Now, I'll be honest: this is something I've struggled with. When Ethan and I were dating, I was a firecracker. Always ready for something fun. Staying up late. Watching movies. I was always in a good mood, always singing, always happy. And then for some reason, I got caught up in responsibilities and I started carrying this weight around. Of course, sin had a great deal to do with that. It burdened me. I no longer knew who I was. I couldn't find happiness. I just felt like I was sinking. But thank You Jesus-- since I turned my life over to Him, I am finally HAPPY again. My circumstances no longer determine my peace and cheerfulness. He gives me true joy- even when our nights are long, even when the kids are having rough evenings. He helps me smile through the tough times.
I noticed when I was going through this awful 'moody' phase, it affected Ethan. He was truly overwhelmed by it because he felt like he HAD to fix it. He HAD to make me happy. He HAD to make me smile. It was like even more weight was on his shoulders (like he didn't already have enough!) Now he had to worry about my happiness. About making sure I was in a good mood. I realize now what a burden that must have been for him. I surely wasn't making his life any easier.
3.) Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.
Well, this is awkward... because I've been a pretty stinky wife in this category!
I've been that naggy wife. Throw the clothes in the hamper. Don't worry, I'll pick up your dishes. Are you just gonna sit there all night? I'm the only one that does anything around here....
I'm sure the list could go on!
During this past month of growing closer to God, He has really dealt with me about the kind of wife (and mother) that I have been. One that seems to need credit for what she does around the house and one that makes it known what my husband isn't doing around the house. What a sad individual to live this kind of life! It breaks my heart when I think about the times I've harped about Ethan's faults and haven't given him credit for the amazing person he is.
Will it kill me to pick up his laundry off the floor of the bathroom? Nope. Will it kill me to put his dishes in the dishwasher? Nope. Will it kill me to get him a glass of milk even though he's capable? Nope.
You will know what complaining about that stuff will kill? My marriage.
My husband is probably one of the most generous people will you ever meet. He would give the shirt off his back if you needed it. He is a forgiving person and very loving. I always call him my gentle giant. One other thing I love my about my husband is that he always uplifts and encourages me. He is a complimenter and he makes me feel gorgeous, even when I just wake up in the morning. Ethan is also a hard worker. He works hard at his job, works hard on our home. He takes pride in everything that he does. I got lucky with that one!
4.) Compliment him for the way he looks and the good things he does like working hard for your family.
This is where it's not just enough to THINK your husband is handsome.. to THINK he's a hard worker... to THINK you're blessed to have him. We have to be vocal. He can't read our minds (and I'm not sure we would want him to! Lol) But we have to speak those words in to existence. Edify your husband. Lift him up. Tell him how handsome he is. Tell him what a hard worker he is. Thank him for the things he does for you and your family. Wrap your arms around him. Be affectionate. Love on him. Figure out his love language and bless him with that! (If you've never studied love languages, it is very interesting! Check it out here. You can even take a test to discover what you and your husband's love language is! It will help you to focus on HOW to love him the way he NEEDS it.)
5.) See him for who he is, not for who you want him to be.
I think we all get caught up in perfection from time to time. We want our husband to be all of these things, but some days, we need to settle in and realize that he we married him for a reason. He offered something in to our lives that we couldn't find anywhere else. He loved us how we needed to be loved. He made us feel safe in a crazy world. And as years pass, we forget that. We forget that he was exactly what we wanted at one point in time... and he didn't have to be perfect to earn that title. See your husband for the man that you fell in love with. Love him in all of his perfections and imperfections. God, help us not to attempt to mold our husbands in to what we want, but let us pray that YOU mold him in to who YOU want.
6.) Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.
OUCH.
That one hurt to read.
I have been HORRIBLE about being that person-- that slow to anger person. I've been such a smartelic in my relationship with Ethan. I am instantly offended and defensive- and it drives me batty that I instantly fly off the handle, especially with my mouth. Ethan and I are both sarcastic, tough, stubborn people... if one of us is quick to anger, the other one usually follows which leads to difficult arguments (even when they don't need to be.) This is something else that God has been impressing on me.... when an argument beings, He needs me to be at peace. I need to relay what I'm thinking and feeling with respect. He is my husband- he is the head of the household- and even if I feel as though he is incorrect in his statements, I need to respect his title, love him, and argue peaceably. He deserves that and most importantly, our relationship deserves that.
We had an argument not too long ago and it is amazing how if I'm not defensive and a smartelic.. how soft his spirit is. He has to be defensive in arguments because I'm immediately defensive. I am the spark of heated arguments-- and that was a tough pill to swallow! But Jesus has been helping me be softer... slow to anger.. not full of wrath. Jesus, help us to respect our husbands and handle disagreements with a cool head. Help us to be slow to anger. Fill our hearts so full of love that there's no room for wrath, bitterness, and strife.
We must be adamant about building our husbands up. Encouraging him. Loving him. Respecting him. We want him to be respected in the city- and it starts with US. We teach people how to treat us and we will teach people how to treat our husbands. It all starts at home. This world is a tough world. Your husband is tossed around by the waves of life all day--- when he comes home, we should be his refuge.. his peace.. his safe spot from the weight he carries around.
God, help us to love our husbands the way he needs to be loved. Please help us to respect him, life him up, encourage him, praise him, and be there for him in every aspect. Help us to listen to his needs and his feelings. Help us to see his strong points as opposed to his weaknesses. Help us to pray for our husbands, every morning, every evening. Let him consistently be in our thoughts and our prayers. We love You, Jesus. Thank You for the gift of our husband. Thank You for trusting us with him!
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