Thursday, August 1, 2013

Getting Dirty About HUSBANDS. [Day 5]

* This blog does contain sexual content. If you are not comfortable with sexual content (or you are my parents or grandparents), please do not read it. ;) This blog is directed more towards women than it is men, only because I am a woman and it's easier for me to speak to them. Doesn't mean you can't learn a thing or two from it, gentlemen, haha!

We were given to our  husbands to be his helpmate.

Genesis 2:20-- And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

They were given to us so that we could bless them.. and they could bless us.. in many different ways.

I have seen on social media sites many women discussing their working husbands and his expectations. "He expects me to stay home all day with the kids and cook dinner and clean the house and do his laundry. I work too! Doesn't he understand that?" And while I do not think a man should have 'expectations' of his wife (I consider it a choice, not an expectation or demand. A choice that the woman ultimately has to make), I do believe we were created to be his helpmate. 

Sure, some women are probably thinking, 'This isn't the 1950s.' And that's fine. I'm not saying that everyone is going to agree with me. To each his own. This is just a revelation that God has given me about my husband.

My husband gets up at 3:30AM for work Monday through Friday. He drives an hour to work. He works 8 hours. At 1:30PM, he leaves work. He drives an hour home. At times he watches our 2 daughters because I run my own photography business and I do sessions in the evenings. He is also enrolled full-time in college as he is trying to better himself for our family's sake. He has a lot on his plate... and while I know that I do too, I can't help but think I was created to make his life easier. I was created to give him strength. To make 'home' pleasurable for him.

This isn't to boast or brag about what *I* do for my husband because truth be told, I wasn't always great at it. I'll be honest. I had this mentality after about 2 years of marriage that it 'wasn't my job to take care of him.' But I found our relationship disinegrating before my eyes. We were bickering all of the time. Arguing about small things. I wasn't making him feel loved. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders at work.. and I wasn't making it any easier on him at home. Sure, I had those thoughts, "I take care of kids all day. Clean the house. Edit photos. Cook dinner. Why should it be my responsibility to do all of that??"

And then God gave me a huge revelation. 

My husband was created for me.. I was created for him. I was created to bless him in every way possible.

Once I had that revelation, I no longer thought of cooking, cleaning, sexual activities, etc. as a CHORE. I finally saw them as BLESSINGS to my husband... who honestly, deserves every bit of it. He always goes out of his way for his family. Always. He would give me the moon and stars if I asked him for it. 

Once I changed my mind-set, I can't tell you how our marriage changed.

I found myself making the grocery list every week with him in mind. What would he enjoy when he got home from work? Brats? Red Potatoes? Steak? Beer?

And I would buy those things.

I would work all morning on editing photos and taking care of the kids. About 12:30PM, I would finish everything  up and tend to the house. I'd make sure he had a work shirt for the next day along with pants, socks, and undershirts. I would do the dishes and straighten up the kitchen. I'd make beds, get the girls ready, and get myself ready along with them. I would make sure I looked put together (I never wanted to be one of those wives that just let herself go after years of marriage. I always want my husband to desire me.) And then, I would start dinner. It was my goal to have everything ready before he walked through the door. We had a routine. We'd give smooches when he walked in (this is so vital ladies--- meet your husband at the door if you can. I know it might seem tedious, but I have found that it blesses him. It shows you care and that you missed him.) And then I would ask him to sit down in his favorite chair. Then I would set his plate down :) And it always blessed me to see that look of surprise and gratefulness on his face! I LOVE it :)  

After he was done eating, he would carry his plate to the sink and rinse it off.. and I would always tell him 'thank you' because that helped me out. Just those small things :) And I would do dishes while he looked at mail and played with the girls. 

I always offered to give him a massage at night time. He works in a warehouse and I know his feet always hurt when he gets home. When you get to the point where your mindset changes, you don't mind doing sweet things like this because you see the pleasure in your  husband's face. 

And typically a massage always led to some sort of sexual activity, whether it was your typical sexual escapade, oral sex, or a different position. I am not one of those women that says, "We only have sex once or twice a week." If my husband feels a need, I will be there for him... one time a week.. or five times a week. And I enjoy it. I have just as high of a sexual drive as a man. I will be honest. I love being next to him. I love our skin caressing each other. I love pleasing him... whatever way that might be. Even if it's just a snuggling session at night. If it makes him smile, I feel like I did my part.

I hear the excuses of "Well, I have ______ children. That's tough for me to do." And I understand that. I have two children of my own-- 2 years old and 3 months. It's hard to fit in that "sexy time" but it's SO worth it, folks! You NEED it. My 2 year old daughter's room is baby-proof (I mean, she sleeps in there with the door shut at night. She can be in there 30-minutes before bed time too!) And once my 3-month old is asleep, she sleeps in her own bed. So, after that is taken care of... we can be taken care of. PRIORITIES. You cannot afford to say, "We have children. We don't have time." Your marriage depends on sex. I cannot stand when people say, "Marriage isn't about sex. It's about love." I understand that. BUT, sex is a union of two souls. It releases frustrations. It connects you on a deeper level. It is a MUST and don't let anyone tell you different. Make time for it.

Ladies, your husband is your BLESSING. Please do not look at taking care of him as a chore. He is your helpmate. He is your protector. He is your lover. Take care of him. He deserves it. And men, if you are reading this, take care of your lady too. I know I focused on women during this, but your wife thinks about 97,000,000 things during the day and I guarantee one of those things is not 'herself.' Love on her. Let her know she is special. 

Once I developed this mindset, our marriage grew like never before. We were closer. Things weren't as stressful around home. It felt like we were in love all over again. I still get pleasure and joy out of taking care of him. It doesn't seem like a chore to me.. and maybe that's because I have such a grateful husband. In everything I do, he always says, 'Thank you.' Everything. 

Don't be a doormat for your husband, ladies, but be a 'welcome mat.' When he walks in that door... know that he probably had a rough day at a work. Bless him. He needs you. 

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