Writing Challenge: Day 11 [07.27.2019]

Day 11 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Something you always feel "what if" about.

This is easy.

What if I didn't have anxiety. What if that college class didn't make me feel like I was going to pass out. What if I skipped that day. 

Would my life be different?

Would I be chasing my passion today instead of hiding out in my house consistently? 

What kind of person would I be without anxiety?

Would I be a better partner?

A better mother?

A better granddaughter?

A better friend?

I would.

And that will forever be my "what if." 

Project 365x3: Day 8 [07.26.2019]

Well, one thing you'll probably hear me talk a lot about is Autism. It affects our lives in more ways than one. And yesterday, it affected us in the sleep category. We go through cycles. She will sleep good 3 weeks a month and then there's 5-7 days where she barely sleeps. We started that cycle last night. YAY. LOL. And honestly, nothing helps at all. We have tried melatonin during these cycles, essential oils, no iPad before bed, laying next to us to calm down... nothing at all. So, we just power through it, but we are exhausted the next day AFTER powering through it. So, most of the day was spent laying around and recovering. We swapped nap time and tried to get as rested as we could, even though Tayler was STILL wide awake. :)

We had a movie night as a family and enjoyed some Dorito Packs (anyone else just love those??) and then we all went to the park for a little bit. Ethan wanted to play some basketball and I absolutely love sitting, watching them play, reading, and writing.

The kids also enjoyed their time. Tayler played on the teeter totter, Lucas sat by me with his new toy he bought with his allowance at a yard sale, and Quinnie played basketball!

And after that, we ventured out for a walk! It was such a perfect night. During our walk, our local police department even stopped us and gave the kids popsicles! An amazing gesture that truly made our evening! 

And I had to get a picture of my kiddos and myself walking. I feel like I'm never in pictures and they were all walking next to me last night- and It was absolutely perfect!

And a snap shot of all of us walking to our favorite spot to hang out on our walks:

Wonderful day!! Cheers to Project 365!

Writing Challenge: Day 10 [07.26.2019]

Day 10: Write about something for which you feel strongly.

I feel like if I start talking about all the things I feel strongly about, I'm going to write for about a week straight. I don't even know if I can pick one subject. There are so many things that just fill my soul- that I will forever advocate for and fight for.

I will fight for mental health. I will fight for the people struggling with mental health- because I'm one of them. I will be an understanding person with addicts and those struggling- because I'm there, I've been there. I will be empathetic. I will fight for a better world for those trying to overcome mental health issues. I will fight with you. I will fight for you. Even if I'm down in that hole, I'll still fight for you. On the days I struggle, I'll listen. On the days you struggle, I'll listen.

I will fight for those with Autism and other disabilities. I'm fighting this battle- and I'll fight along side you. Autism affects my family's life every single day. I'm sitting here right now with about 3 hours of sleep under my belt because of Autism. Because it shifts a 'normal life' in to something stressful and overwhelming at times. I will fight for the rights of those battling Autism. Our daughter was diagnosed with non-verbal Autism in January 2015 and it has been a part of our family's life- our family's journey since. And I will be a listening ear to anyone going through this same unbelievable and overwhelming situation.

I could seriously go on for days about the things I feel strongly about. The things I'll advocate for. Some do not need to be said on a public forum- at least not right now. But I will fight with you. We are not victims. We are victors. We are vanquishers.

You can do this.
We can do this.

Project 365x3: Day 7 [07.25.2019]

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day! We Pokemon hunted for little bit (anyone else out there play Pokemon Go?) Team Rocket is taking over Pokestops, so we checked that out for a little bit!

And then I threw dinner in the crock pot! I found this recipe on Pinterest and it was delicious!

They're called Sausage Dip Stuffed Peppers! Here's the recipe:

Brown Italian sausage, then mix a can of rotel with sausage. Next, slice up cream cheese and mix in to rotel/sausage mix. Next, cut the top off of peppers, and stuff with the entire mixture! Put in crock pot, cover with Italian cheese, and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

After dinner, we ran an errand with Pappy and Gigi and we got dressed nice for it :) These kiddos are so stinking cute! I can't even handle it!

AND Quinn lost a tooth today y'all! Her 3rd one! She was so so excited for the tooth fairy to come!!!!

We had an amazing day filled with family, Pokemoning, walks, and more!

Cheers to Project 365!

Writing Challenge: Day 9 [07.25.2019]

Day 9 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Share some words of wisdom that speak to you.

How about if I just share some quotes that have been motivating me the past couple of days?

I love these quotes and have been reading them every single day. They're some of my "mantras" if you will! What are some words of wisdom that you live by?

Project 365x3: Day 6 [07.24.2019]

I spent most of the day setting goals, listening to motivational speakers, and making lists. Ethan and I have been talking about our life and our purpose for quite some time now... and we are making some changes. I'm so beyond ready for it.

I shared something yesterday.. and thought I would share it on this blog as well. One of my friends on FB (thank you Lori!) shared an incredible video by Will Smith yesterday morning (that I listened to about 25 times!) Here's a little bit of what I gathered from his inspirational youtube video:

Are you a VICTIM or a VANQUISHER?

Bad things have happened to you, haven't they? Traumatic things. Things you try to cover up with food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, medication. You were messed up by someone else's choices. You are broken because of someone else's mistakes. Or your own. But either way- look around you. We are all broken in some way. Bad crap has happened to every single one of us. It sucks. It really does. But just like Will Smith said, "Fault and responsibility do not go together. It sucks, but that isn't the way it works." It isn't your fault someone broke you, but it's your responsibility to pick yourself up off the floor and quit being a victim.

Defintion of victim: a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, or killed by someone else. : a person who is cheated or fooled by someone else. : someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident)

Definition of a vanquisher: Conquer, defeat (utterly), beat (hollow), trounce, annihilate, triumph over, win a resounding victory over, be victorious over, best, get the better of, worst, bring someone to their knees, overcome.

Read that definition again. To triumph over. To bring someone to their knees. To overcome. 

Which one do you want to be? 

Do you want to be someone that wallows in their self pity? In their injuries? In your unpleasant circumstances? Or do you want to bring someone to their knees by showing them IT IS their fault you have pain but they sure as heck aren’t going to make you a victim any longer??? 

"It don’t matter who’s fault it is that something is broken…. if it’s your responsibility to fix it. For example, it’s not somebody’s fault if their father was an abusive, alcoholic, but it’s for da*n sure there responsibility to figure out how they’re gonna deal with those traumas and try to make a life out of it. It’s not your fault if your partner has cheated and ruined your marriage, but it is for da*n sure your responsibility to figure out how to take that pain and how to overcome that and build a happy life for yourself. Fault and responsibility do NOT go together. I know it sucks but they don’t. When we think something is someone else’s fault, we want them to suffer. We want them to pay. We think it’s their responsibility to fix it. But that’s not how it works. Especially when it’s your heart. Your heart. Your life. Your happiness. It’s YOUR responsibility. And your responsibility alone. -Will Smith"

"As long as we are pointing the finger and stuck in who's fault it is... we are jammed and trapped in victim mode... and as long as you're in victim mode, you're in suffering. The road to power is in taking responsibility of your heart and your life."

What are you going to do today?

--

Empowering or what?

After a day spent making goals and attempting to crush some of them, we went on a walk as a family. It was absolutely gorgeous out! After a blazing hot weekend, temps in the 70s have been soothing! Here's some pics from our walk last night:

It was an absolutely amazing day! So thankful for this life!

Cheers to Project 365x3!

Writing Challenge: Day 8 [07.24.2019]

Day 8 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Share something you struggle with.

It is no surprise to many reading this (if you've followed my journey through the years) that my greatest struggle is with fear. I honestly don't know how much of this obstacle I have shared with all of you, but I figured now is as good as time as ever to be raw with you.

December 2006, I was in a public speaking class at one of our local colleges. Someone was giving their speech (along with a slideshow) that shared some graphic images. I started getting really hot and had to leave the room due to feeling like I was going to pass out. It was super odd to me because I'd never felt that way before. Then, it happened again at Walmart a few days later. I was standing at the check out line and I started getting hot and sweaty and felt like I was going to pass out. I threw my stuff down on the counter and ran out of the store. The next day, I didn't show up for my college classes. And the next day, I didn't show up again. And then- I quit.

I dropped out of college. And pretty soon after that, I basically dropped out of life as well. I stopped going places. I stopped going out with friends. I didn't want to be behind the wheel of the car. I didn't want to go to stores. What if this passing out feeling happened again? What if I was driving? What if I was alone? What if I was in the store? What if I was at work?

I literally lost everything.

I dropped out of college.
I lost the "closeness" people shared with their friends.
I lost my sense of independence.
I lost my job.
I lost my sanity.
I lost my faith in God.

I was broken. And struggling.

I struggled to leave the house in early 2007, but I still managed.
But by 2008, I could barely get out the door. There was a point where I didn't leave the house for months. Fear had me gripped and bound.

This was 13 years ago- and I still struggle to this day.

Obviously, strength found me and I was able to leave the house. I met my husband (only over the phone at first) and we eventually moved in together (but only after he understood the depths of my fears.) I eventually had children and powered through medical anxiety as well.

But, leaving the house alone.. going places alone... it's STILL a struggle. I still find myself trapped within the four walls of my home. And there are days I have to push myself out the door in order to do things... still... 13 years later.

It's this fear of being trapped somewhere. Stuck in the back of a store. Stuck in traffic. Having to wait for a meal at a restaurant. Being somewhere with someone who doesn't understand the depths of my anxiety. Who can't calm me down when I'm panicking. It's that fear of passing out.. a constant fear.

It probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it is real for me. And a struggle for me every day. I try and have faith in God Almighty and hope that one day He will have mercy on me. I don't do anything to deserve it. I am a mess of a person and don't deserve a healing, but I pray that He sees fit one day.

What are your struggles? Where do you find yourself pleading for help?

Writing Challenge: Day 7 [07.23.2019]

Day 7 of "The Writing Challenge":

List 10 songs you are loving right now.

I'm really not in to a ton of songs right now, so we are changing this writing challenge. 10 things you are loving right now.

1. Self Discipline- Best Motivational Speech Video (Featuring Will Smith) on Youtube. Go check it out. I've listened to it all morning. It will pump you up. Quit having the victim mode. You're stuck in suffering there.

2. Hall of Fame- The Script (Okay- one song.) It will pump you up too.

3. One Tree Hill - the episodes where Lucas gets his drive to write. I literally watch it just to encourage myself in my passion.

4. Grant Cardone quotes. Go check out my Pinterest- Alyssa Bay. Tons of stuff pinned... he will light a fire under you!

5. Becoming a better person. I won't go in to details. There's too many haters out there that laugh and smile when I speak about it. Just know- it's happening and it will come to pass.

6. Jesus Christ. My motivator. I fail Him every day, but He called me to greatness and I'm sick of wallowing in my pain and letting it change me in to something I'm not.

7. Pursuit of something greater. Once again- this will all be revealed in due time.

8. Our new house. It isn't what everyone would call 'ideal' but I'm at peace here and that's all that matters.

9. Old games shows. When I'm doing dishes or cleaning, they are constantly playing! I'm obsessed with Tattletales and Concentration! Bring them back please!

10. Big Brother. I'll talk game with you any day!

Writing Challenge: Day 6 [07.22.2019]

Day 6 of "The Writing Challenge" is: 5 ways to win my heart!

1. Talk to me. I love conversations- especially about ideas and beliefs. I could talk all night.
2. Coffee and quiet! You want to sit in peace and drink coffee? Okay! I'm there.
3. Do something kind for someone else.
4. Nature. Lets go in to nature together.
5. Be my kids- they drive me crazy, but they have my entire heart.

Project 365x3: Day 5 [07.23.2019]

Tuesdays are date night in the Bay house. My mom and dad take our kiddos for a few hours on Tuesday evenings just so we can "breathe." I don't know if you are the parent of a special needs child (or a parent in general), but it gets overwhelming at times. These nights are fuel for the next week. A time for my husband and I to reconnect. And last night was absolute perfection! My husband purchased a boat a few weeks ago and I FINALLY got to go out on the river with him. He took me cat fishing and I'm telling you right now- everything I could have asked for in a date night. I felt like my batteries were recharged. It was amazing!

Beautiful night on the river! I feel so good in my spirit today. Thank You God for an absolutely amazing night!!

Writing Challenge: Day 5 [07.21.2019]

Day 5 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Name 5 places you want to visit.

1. Where "Hocus Pocus" was taped.
2. Maine. I honestly have no idea why, but it's always been on my "Bucket List."
3. Kansas. I want to see Lawrence, Kansas. Thank you, Supernatural.
4. North Carolina where One Tree Hill was taped. I love TV... can you tell? LOL
5. A resort somewhere!

Writing Challenge: Day 4 [07.20.2019]

Day 4 of "The Writing Challenge' is: Write about someone who inspires you.

I would be greatly mistaken to not talk about my favorite person from the Bible: the Apostle Paul. He is my greatest inspiration (aside from God Almighty, of course.) I don't know how you can read his words and not feel pushed and understood. I admire Paul because I watch him discuss having a "thorn in his flesh" and I feel like I can relate on so many levels.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

Paul wrote these words and I feel so many emotions while reading it. He had a thorn in his flesh he desperately wanted removed. I am there. But Paul still lived a life FULL of Christ. It pushes me to remember that even though I feel broken from this "thorn in my flesh"... I CAN be used by Him!

Writing Challenge: Day 3 [07.19.2019]

Day 3 of "The Writing Challenge" is: What are your top 3 pet peeves?

This is really hard for me because not a lot of things gets on my nerves or rubs me the wrong way. It takes a lot to upset me or frustrate me.

1. Confusion and loud noises. When I am around a lot of people or a lot of commotion, I feel like I cannot breathe. I don't know if that qualifies as a "pet peeve" or not, but it's definitely something that frustrates me. I feel like I cannot focus. I am a quiet type of person. Give me a coffee shop on a Friday night, not a club.

2. Rudeness. When someone is rude to another person, it literally goes right through me. We are all humans. We all mess up. We all struggle. There is absolutely no reason to ever be rude to another person, regardless of the situation.

3. Being ignored. I'm the kind of person that will try and be there for others- If I'm upset with you, I'll let you know. If you need a listening ear, I'm here. If you write me, I'll write you back. There's no reason for me not to. I'll never be too busy for you. But when this same respect is not given in return, it is extremely hard for me. One of the things I struggle to keep my mouth shut about *Jesus is helping me!*

Writing Challenge: Day 2 [07.18.2019]

Day 2 of "The Writing Challenge" is: Write something someone told you about yourself that you will never forget.

When I was going to church at 1st UPC growing up, they had visiting ministers named Bro. and Sis. Russom (spelling?) I have struggled with fear (you'll find that out a lot through these challenges, I'm sure) for as long as I can remember- especially the fear of death. One day, sitting on the front pew at church, I was praying about it- my life- about my fear that my life will be cut short. Sis. Russom came over to me and said, "My daughter, God said if you will continue to live your life for Him, He will give you a long life." Eased my fears and I've never forgotten it. I try and think about it every time my fear and hypochondria rages. I may have lost sight of Him for awhile.. and still have my downfalls and struggles, but I know He knows I love Him more than anything in this life and I try my hardest- even if I fall short some days.

Writing Challenge: Day 1 [07.17.2019]

Since I can remember- I have wanted to pursue a life of writing. I love it. It is my outlet- when I'm feeling all of the emotions someone who struggles with mental health feels- writing heals. It helps me get out all of the stuff I just can't speak to other people.

I found an incredible list on Pinterest called "30 Day Writing Challenge" and thought it would be the perfect thing to tackle over the next 30 days.

Day 1's writing task is: "List 10 things that make you really happy."

1. Of course, spending time with my family. They are my constant and my heart beat. They get me better than anyone else.
2. Coffee and quiet in the mornings. My peace as the sun rises.
3. Reading and writing. My outlets.
4. Deep conversations. I hate small talk.
5. Hanging out at my mom and dad's house. Only other place (other than my own home) that I can feel at home at.
6. Online shopping. Hello, Amazon Prime!
7. Doing nice things for others. I live for it!
8. Dresden.
9. All things Fall- the leaves, the smells, football!
10. Big Brother- so happy it's on. I love rewatching it.

Can't wait for tomorrow!

Project 365x3: Day 4 [07.22.2019]

Monday, the kids had a lazy day and Momma got to clean, clean, clean. I feel like our house is always in complete disarray after the weekend. Anyone else feel that way? I had about 5 loads of laundry to do, one of the kiddos accidentally wet the bed (so I had blankets and sheets to wash), a bunch of dishes to do, lunches to pack, dinner to put in the crock pot... it was a busy day needless to say! I feel like every Monday is that way. So, I got to work as soon as we got up (6:45am might I add! Our children NEVER sleep in!! And it's July for crying out loud LOL) We also did some school work (trying to stay on target for next school year)... and then...

I had some friends over for THE BACHELORETTE:MEN TELL ALL! Anyone else obsessed with this show? Just me? Well, I should say, just my friends and me? I was so ready to hear from Luke P.

Here's my thoughts on his 'opinion' which he gave Hannah:

If you are a Christian, then you know the verse "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." And you also know that sin is sin in God's eyes... whether it's premarital sex, cursing, gluttony, greed, anger... and since we ALL sin in some way or another (we are humans, aren't we?) who are we to judge anyone for the sins they commit. Luke P. really overstepped his boundaries. If you have standards, okay- you have standards. But don't come on a television show like 'The Bachelorette' with those standards. You know the kind of things that take place on this TV show. It is about exploring relationships- in all areas, in all ways. If you want to explore a relationship in ONE particular way.... find a place that will ensure you are pursuing a relationship in that one particular way (catching my drift here?)

I consider myself a woman of faith. I love Jesus. We have a relationship, but I fall short..... a lot (and when I say a lot.. I mean A LOT)  I'll never judge another human being for their shortcomings- whatever that might be- because I know I'm probably at the bottom of the totem pole on the 'Christian list' but by gosh, I sure do love Him. I'm just a mess at times.

So, having said that, it was an awesome night with my girlies! We were all cuddled up on the couch soaking up the drama!

What are your thoughts?

Cheers to Project 365!

Project 365x3: Day 3 [07.21.2019]

We had a lazy day today. We spent most of the morning snuggled up with the kids watching 'Ridiculousness.' Then, my sister dropped off my nephew Isaac for a little while. We try to keep him a few hours once a month to give them time to breathe and reconnect. Every couple needs that, y'all! :) Here are a few pictures of our middle child Quinn with Isaac. The pictures saved on my computer have both of their faces in it; however, I didn't check with my sister prior to sharing these, so I edited baby Isaac out (for now) :)

The kids absolutely love Isaac being here and it definitely keeps me on my toes LOL!! We had to put up so much stuff because he kept getting in to it haha! He thinks the kids are hysterical and belly laughs with Quinnie. 

After my sister and her family left, we ordered pizza and settled in with Big Brother. Anyone else watch? I'm a self-proclaimed superfan ;) but what are y'alls thoughts? I'm #TeamSam, #TeamNicole and as of Sunday night, #TeamCliff.

Who are you rooting for?

Cheers to Project 365!

Project 365X3: Day 2 [07.20.2019]

Saturday, July 20th was a busy, fun-filled day!

First, I went to a bridal shower in Dresden for our dear friend Kelsie! It was absolutely gorgeous and decorated in soft pinks and whites. Tons of delicious food- chicken salad sandwiches, fruit kabobs, macaroni salad, cupcakes, and more. We played a "How Well Do You Know the Bride" came (which I totally lost lol) and we made toilet paper dresses in groups of two. It was so much fun and a much needed relaxing time with our great group of friends. I couldn't be more excited for Kelsie and Matt! Only one more month! I only got one picture there of Kelly and I, but at least it's documented, LOL I need to be better about getting back in to the swing of things :)

After the bridal shower, I raced home to get the kids ready to spend the night with my parents so we could go to a 30th birthday party. It was 'Party Like It's 1989.' We had so much fun getting ready for it. Ethan and I dressed up like some grunge rockers- and we loved every single second of it!

All of the girls got a picture together as well. I loved seeing all of the 80s styles come together! Everyone looked absolutely adorable. It was an awesome night with all of us- even if it was the hottest day of the year (maybe even of my life LOL)

So thankful to be on this journey again! Trying to start a few new adventures in this life of mine- this just happens to be the first :) 

Cheers to Project365x3!