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Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Awkwardness of Pregnancy


Oh yes.

When our friends first find out they're pregnant, we go in to our squeals and our 'It's the best time of your life' speeches. We go on and on about how beautiful it is and how there is nothing like feeling a little baby moving around in your belly. The smell of baby powder... the snuggles... the cuddles.. It's a true joy.

And honestly, that's all true...

but sometimes we forget a key part of pregnancy.

THE AWKWARDNESS.

Okay. Maybe it's just me and that's fine.. I'll be the first woman to admit it. It's awkward.

What part?

Well, let me first ask you the question-- how far along are you? First trimester? First baby? You're in for a treat.

I've had pap smears. Nothing new there. It's always been women that have given me a pap smear too. For some reason at my OB-GYN, nurses and nurse practitioners dish those bad boys out. But when you're pregnant... and you're far enough long... 

Get ready for

DILATION/EFFACEMENT CHECKS.

Oh, that's where the fun starts.

They give you a sheet about the size of a child's blanket and ask you to wait for the doctor. It's freezing in the room, so you'll probably be purple from the knees down... just waiting. 20 minutes will pass... the green light will still be on for him to come see you.. and you'll just be sitting there. By now, you'll probably have to pee... so you rock yourself back and forth and attempt to coax your still-in-the-womb infant in to NOT kicking your bladder. (They will.)

After 20 minutes or so.. maybe longer..  your doctor will enter the room. You'll lay back.. he'll ask you to scoot down to the end of the table (much like a pap smear) and he will insert his digits in to your *ahem* girly parts...  he says he is checking for dilation/effacement.. I think they are searching for my belly button because that's exactly how it feels.

He'll tell you what the verdict is and have you sit up. And then that's when the awkwardness REALLY starts to hit you... as you sit there with your child's blanket sized paper thin sheet.. and you wait.. he types your information in to the computer.. and you wait.. all the while knowing that this somewhat-stranger was just peering in to your vagina moments earlier. It's awkward. It's weird. He attempts to make small talk with you during the 10 minutes it takes him to type information in to the computer, but honestly, you'd prefer to just sit in silence. It's hard to talk about even the weather because it means you have to look him in the eye. So, you'll just sit there... feeling like you're at the end of a really bad one-night stand. 

Then he'll shake your hand like your a presidential candidate and walk out of the room.. leaving you in all of your awkwardness to put your underwear and pants on and try to get out of the room without having to make eye contact again.

Don't get me wrong. Pregnancy IS a beautiful thing. But lets not forget about the awkwardness of the situation either. Or like I said.. maybe it's just me. 


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