May 4th, 2020- Thoughts on Autism

Tayler Bay hasn’t slept good in a couple of nights- and last night was horrible. She woke up about 3am screaming bloody murder. A heart wrenching yell. I have no idea what was bothering her or what was going on, but I got her iPad and got her laid back down. I laid on the floor next to the couch and I could hear ‘Something in the Water’ by Carrie Underwood playing softly.. and Tayler Bay was singing along with it-

And let me tell you-

There’s something humbling and heart breaking to hear your non-verbal 9-year old sing, with tears pouring down her face, just sobbing

“Couldn't fight back the tears so I fell on my knees
Saying, "God, if you're there come and rescue me."
Felt love pouring down from above
Got washed in the water, washed in the blood”

It literally felt like someone punched me in the stomach and ripped my heart out of my chest.

My baby- the one tormented (and yes, I feel as though she’s tormented some days) by Autism- it felt like she was pleading with Jesus to come rescue her-

It broke me.

😔😔

And I found myself weeping and praying to God to find it in his soul to heal my baby. To help her. To rescue her sweet soul and stop the tormenting and pain she feels inside. I hate it. 😔😔😔😔 some days, she’s happy go-lucky and not weighed down by Autism and then other days, she can’t break free from it and it rules every part of her brain and life.

I truly believe she needs/wants a miracle in her life..

😔 and so do we.

Please stand in the gap with her today. It was an overwhelming night full of pain, sadness, and cries for help.