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Friday, April 6, 2012

Letting Go of Revenge..

It's amazing the path God takes you down... to change you.

I use to be a 'Vengeance is mine' kind of person. No, not the person that quoted, 'Vengeance is mine thus saith the Lord.' I took revenge in to my own hands. It was typically fueled by anger, frustration, bitterness, self-pity, stubbornness, pain, hurt, aggravation, and of course... the almighty thought of 'I'll give them exactly what they gave me. You reap what you sow, right?' 

Yes, I took revenge in all sorts of ways.

I was the queen of subtlety. I was the queen of 'rubbing-success-in-your-face.' I'm ashamed to even admit this, but I'm doing it to show you where God can take you!

If someone hurt me, I would let my attitude get the best of me. I would sit there and fume over ways to 'get them back!' I wasn't the kind of person to just sit back and take it. If they hurt me-- I wanted them to hurt. It was as simple as that. I hated knowing that someone was getting away with causing people pain. I hated knowing that someone was getting away with hurting me.. lying to me... taking advantage of me.. Why should they? What makes them better than me? 

It ate me alive.

I would just sit and stew over the pain. Over why they were allowed to get away with things. Over why I couldn't just.. let it go. In my head I knew that they would eventually reap what they sowed, but I had it in my head that I had to be the one to give it to them. It was only fair. You hurt me, I hurt you. Simple math, right?

But through prayer... and I am talking gut-wrenching prayer.. God has shown me a different path. I didn't want to step aside. I didn't want to put things in to God's hands. It was a lack of trust on my part. I thought He wouldn't handle it like I *thought* He should handle it. Come on everyone, you know you have been there. 

I had some intense prayer time... in my car, in the shower, on my couch. Tears pouring. Heart crying out. I needed Him to heal my heart. I needed to find trust in Him! Through prayer, I cried out to God. I remember saying...

Lord, I NEED YOU. I need You to stop this hurt. I need You to remind me that YOU will handle the situations in my life. And for the first time in my life-- I have finally let go. I have let go of the people that cause me bitterness. I have let go of the people that cause me pain. Of the people who purposely hurt me. Of the people who are malicious and vindictive because I know that HE can handle the troubles more than I can! I stress over them. Cry about them. Get headaches because of them. And it isn't worth it! It steals my peace and my joy and I'm tired of it. Why not give it over to the One that is awake all of the time? The One that can heal the situation. The One that can change the other person's heart. I know He can do more than I could. 

Revenge isn't healthy. It isn't healthy for the mind, for the body, or for the soul.

God, I give it ALL over to you! Thank you for giving the tool and the gift of PRAYER! Thank You for giving me time to seek Your face. Thank You for making that time absolutely precious! Thank You for healing my heart. Thank You for caring about the things that cause me pain. Thank You for taking these burdens off of my shoulders and giving me rest.



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