THE RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGE. [Day 8]

*PLEASE NOTE: This blog is intended for a mature audience. It does contain some sexual content. It is directed towards adults in a mature relationship. 

I saw this on Pinterest yesterday and of course, it has inspired me. 

You might remember that I wrote about husbands and wives the other day in my daily devotional, but I wanted to take things a step further today and not just talk about things, but actually DO something.

According to the American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. (APA) Can you believe that almost half of the people that marry in the US will eventually get a divorce? Those are some high numbers..

and I refuse to be a statistic.

Of course, we can say that we don't want to be a statistic, but we have to put feet on our faith and be proactive. 

I want to issue a CHALLENGE. A HUSBAND/WIFE CHALLENGE. (Even if you aren't married, substitute husband/wife for fiance or boyfriend/girlfriend.)

I typically direct my blogs towards women, but men--you can participate too!

I don't want to be a statistic. I don't want a divorce to be in my future because I didn't love on my husband enough... because I didn't spend enough time with him... because I didn't compliment him... because I didn't do special things for him. I want to work hard.. I want to pray hard... I want to love hard. I want my marriage to last for a lifetime.

See, I'm very much in love with my husband. I love being with him. I love being next to him. I miss him when he is at work all day. I love feeling him next to me when we are sleeping. I love laughing together. I love that we have a family together. I am in love with him. But I want that love to always grow! 

We don't want to become stagnant in our marriages. Have you ever saw or smelled stagnant waters? According to the Center for Disease Control, diseases can be carried in these waters. They smell. They are not healthy for you. Don't become a 'stagnant marriage!' Lets FIGHT together! 

Are you and your husband having problems? Or are you a happily married couple? Are you and your husband finding yourselves fighting about everything? Or can you not remember the last time you fought?

Regardless, you can always work on your marriage.

My husband and I haven't always had the 'best marriage.' We have had our fair share of downfalls. We have had arguments. Brought up the past one too many times. Yelled at each other. Slammed doors. Said things we didn't mean... but we fight every day to make our marriage better... and that's what I want us all to do with this challenge.

So, here it is. For the next 14 DAYS (2 WEEKS), we are going to focus on our RELATIONSHIPS. Every day will be something that will bring us closer together. It may seem small, but trust me-- it will build. I am going to participate too because I find myself just wanting to show my husband how much I love him.. even more!

Please don't be scared to  participate. You don't even have to share with me that you are (although I would love to hear about it!!) Do this for your husband. Do this because you want to show him how much he means to you. Do this because you want a healthy marriage. Do this because sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of life that we forget even that big, strong man needs love and encouragement too!

Are you ready?

DAY 1: FLIRT WITH YOUR HUSBAND. (August 8th, 2013) That's right, ladies. Do you remember the first time you saw your husband? Where were you? How did you meet? How did he look? What was he dressed like? What made you want to pursue him? Remember that and focus on that. Remember how you used to flirt with him before you were married? Did you play footsie? Did you leave him playful text messages? Did you write him notes? Did you smack his butt? Whatever it was, DO IT AGAIN. Remember what it was like to be young.. go back there. Flirt with him all over again.

DAY 2: GREET YOUR HUSBAND AT THE DOOR. (August 9th, 2013) If it's possible, greet your husband at the door whether it's when he gets home from work, gets home from ball practice, or gets home from running errands. Greet him at the door. This might sound so small, but trust me.. it will build so much. I remember when I stopped doing that. I didn't even know that my husband recognized that I did it. And I quit. After about 2 weeks of going about my day and just yelling 'hello' from the kitchen, he sat down and said, "Why don't you greet me at the door anymore? You used to kiss me and hug me as soon as I walked in.. is something wrong?" And I proceeded to tell him that I didn't know it meant anything to him. So, he began to tell me how much he appreciated it every day.. and I greeted him every day. (Still do!)

DAY 3: COOK HIM HIS FAVORITE MEAL (August 10th, 2013) I know you're busy. I know I posted this on a Saturday which might make it a little more difficult (or a little more easier?) But try it! What is your husband's favorite meal? It can be breakfast, lunch, or dinner... or even a snack. Doesn't matter. What is it?? Ask him to watch the kids for a little bit, head to the store, buy all of the stuff you need, and make it for him. Does he have a favorite drink to go with it? Orange Juice, Coke, a beer? Make it just for him. 

DAY 4: DO ONE OF HIS FAVORITE ACTIVITIES TOGETHER (August 11th, 2013) What does your husband LOVE to do? Is it softball? Golfing? Running? Playing video games? Whatever it is, take a little bit of time out of your day and do something with him. If you have children and you cannot get a babysitter, figure out what one of his favorite activities at home would be and do that. I know for my husband, he would enjoy going out to the softball fields. Or he'd enjoy going to the gym with me. You know your husband better than anyone. You know what he loves to do. Imagine how much he'll love doing that activity WITH you. 

DAY 5: TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT DIFFERENT THINGS THROUGH YOUR WEEK, SOMETHING THAT IS BOTHERING YOU, ETC. (August 12th, 2013) This might sound so simple, but you would be surprised how many couples don't really talk to each other. They sit with each other at night watching TV or playing on their laptops, but they don't TALK. We ran in to a couple not too long ago that said, "I don't remember the last time we just sat down and had a conversation together. We're too busy." Here's the thing about that: God NEVER intended for us to be so busy that we forgot about our mates. NEVER. If you are too busy to talk to your husband (or your children, friends, family..) you are TOO BUSY. Take some time out of your Monday to talk to him. He needs that and you do too!

DAY 6: PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND. (August 13th, 2013) Nothing can bring a couple together more than PRAYER. I will be honest with you here. We have a prayer altar at our local church where we can write specific needs down and lay them on the altar. It isn't so people can go through and read them... you don't even have to write your names on them. It's just an act of symbolism. It's laying your needs at the altar before Jesus Christ. Now, my marriage wasn't suffering. It wasn't even 'iffy.' But you can NEVER have a perfect marriage. There is always room for improvement. So, I wrote 'My Marriage' on a piece of paper and laid it on the altar. We must always pray for our husbands, ladies. Pray for him to remove evil things from his eyes. Pray for him to withstand the temptations that come with this world. Pray for him to have strength. Pray for him to be the husband and father that you need. Pray for him to have a good day at work. Pray for him to have blessings on his life. Pray for his health. Pray for a promotion at work. PRAY PRAY PRAY. Spend your day thinking about him and seeking God's face for him.

DAY 7: LISTEN TO 'YOUR SONG' TOGETHER. (August 14th, 2013) Do you have a song together? I know my husband and I have had a few down through the years. When we first got together, when he called me, 'Smile' by Uncle Kracker would play. "You make me smile like the sun, fall outta bed..." It's how I felt about him. And then as our relationship progressed, the song became "Crazy Girl" by Eli Young Band. "Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you? I wouldn't dream of going no where..." That's the song we danced to at our wedding reception and ever since then, it's been "our song." Play the songs from your past that remind you of your husband. You might have a couple.. play those together and reminisce. 

DAY 8: GO FOR A WALK TOGETHER (August 15th, 2013) Once again, this probably sounds SO simple, but going for a walk together means one thing: Holding hands. I remember when I first started dating my husband, I loved touching him whether it was hugging him, holding his hand, kissing him. Do you remember those days? When he was taking you home after a date and all you could do was rub the back of his neck, rub his hand, hold his hand. You just loved touching him. You'd stand at the front porch hugging for what seemed like hours because you didn't want to let him go. Don't lose that. Go for a walk. Rub the back of his neck. Hold his hand. Rub his hands. Love on him.

DAY 9: BUY HIM SOMETHING SPECIAL (August 16th, 2013) Don't worry, ladies. I'm not saying you have to go out and buy him a new car. Or really anything expensive. Go out and purchase something that says, "I thought about you while I was out today." I remember one day I went to the store and I saw his favorite drink. And it was on sale-- 2 for $2.00. Couldn't beat that! So, I came home with two of them. You should have seen the smile on his face-- for only $2.00! But it was because it was his FAVORITE!! It didn't matter how much I spent. It was the thought that counted. Think about something your husband might want or appreciate and purchase it for him today. Let him know you were thinking about him.

DAY 10: THANK HIM (August 17th, 2013) Take some time to thank your husband for the blessings he has helped provide in your life. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have a vehicle? Do you have luxuries? Does your husband work hard every day to help with these? Do you have children with him? Does he say sweet things about you? Does he surprise you with random things sometimes? Does he cook for you? Whatever it is, THANK HIM for it. You will see a change in his spirit. Thankfulness reaps blessings. If you aren't thankful for what you have now.. why would you be thankful with anything else? Be thankful. Always. Let your husband know how much you appreciate all he does for you and your family.

DAY 11: LET YOUR HUSBAND SLEEP IN. (August 18th, 2013) If your husband is anything like my husband, he gets up early. My husband usually gets up between 330am-430am for work. And for someone that enjoys spending time with his family in the evening, he doesn't always get to bed at 8/9pm. Is your husband in the same routine? If so, let him sleep in! Once the kids wake up, take them out to the living room and leave him sleeping peacefully. Don't even set an alarm for him. Just let him sleep and get his rest. Men carry so much on their shoulders (and I know women do too. Believe me, I'm there!) But I know men carry the weight of bills, money, etc. on their shoulders. Rest and sleep are so healthy for them! Let him sleep in today. He needs it. 

DAY 12: PLEASE HIM SEXUALLY (August 19th, 2013) Whether or not you enjoy sex, we all know that it is a part of a relationship. Men need it and desire it. Hopefully all of you women out there do too! Regardless, take time today to please your husband sexually. Change things up a little bit. What would he think if you came on to him? Or how about teasing him a little bit? Get a shower with him first. Massage him. Whatever it takes, get the spark started. And then let the mood take you wherever it does. Play some music to get you in that 'sexy mood.' Wear something naughty. Don't be shy-- please him. Take your husband to ecstasy. We've gotten so accustomed to BUSYNESS in our society today. I'm too busy. I have kids. I work all of the time. We work different shifts. Doesn't matter, folks. You want a strong, healthy marriage? Sex should be a part of it. It connects you not only physically, but spiritually. I hate to say it like this, but oftentimes if a spouse isn't getting it at home, they will look elsewhere. They want to feel sexy. They want to feel wanted and needed. Make your husband feel that today. Make him feel wanted. Make him feel masculine. 

DAY 13: WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM. READ THEM TO HIM. (August 20th, 2013) This might seem a little awkward to you if you aren't comfortable with expressing your feelings or writing them out, but it is so healthy to do. Share things with him. Express things to your husband. Talk about how far you have come in your relationship. Tell him what you love about him. Tell him how attractive he is to you. Reminisce about your early days. Use you words to remember why you fell in love. It is so important to do this. Why did you fall in love with him? What were the little things that made you want to marry him? What were the big things? Tell him. Sometimes we get so caught up in wanting our spouse to change to meet our specifications that we forget the tiny things that made us fall for them in the first place.

DAY 14: GO ON A DATE. (August 21st, 2013) Lets end this journey with a BANG. Go on a date with your spouse. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Make a picnic dinner and go somewhere with a blanket and enjoy it. Get a baby sitter and go to a classy restaurant. Go to McDonalds and get your favorite burger. Whatever works for you two... do it! Spend quality time together. Go to the movies. Go shopping. Go for a drive. It doesn't have to cost you a penny-- just go on a date and spend time together. My husband always says that he wants to go on a date where we take his truck to a secluded spot with a blanket and just lay there and talk. What would your husband enjoy? Whatever it is. Do that today. 

Folks, we have to stop being so dang busy. I can't stand hearing that. 'We are so busy. We never have time for each other.' THEN STOP IT. Stop being so busy. What do you have if you gain a great job that you are at 24/7... extracurricular activities that you are at in your spare time... but lose the love of your life and your family? It isn't worth it. In the next 14 days, lets focus on the LOVE OF OUR LIFE. Lets put everything else on the backburner these next 2 weeks and just LOVE them. It's necessary, vital, and so worth it!

Will you join me in this challenge? I sure hope you will!Take time to appreciate them these next 2 weeks. 

THEY ARE WORTH IT.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH IT.

Angry, Mad, Discontent Prayer. Does it Exist? [Day 7]

Trials are not a respecter of persons. They could care less if you have a million dollars in your bank account or $5.00 to your name. They aren't concerned with whether or not you went to college. They aren't going to stay away if you drive a brand new car or wear the finest clothes. They will meet you face to face... regardless.

I'll be honest with you. I've had my fair share of trials in my 26 years. Sure, I might not have had difficult ones in some people's eyes, but I have struggled. I struggled for years with anxiety (and still do at times. It's a constant battle.)

Here's the thing I want us to grasp about trials.

Sometimes, they are brought in to our lives to help US. 

Sometimes, they are brought in to our lives to help OTHERS.

Unfair, huh?

Why should YOU have to go through something to benefit someone else? 

It's called being a BLESSING.

I'll use myself for example.

Like I previously stated, I have struggled with Anxiety for years. I dealt with it as a teenager. I think 8th grade was the first time I really encountered it. My breathing would get all off.. I would feel like I couldn't catch my breath. I honestly have no idea what triggered it. I just know I faced it. It was only something that happened periodically through high school, but when college came along, it all went down hill. I'm not sure if it was the huge change that took place.. and I was struggling to handle it or what.. but regardless, I ended up dropping out of college in December 2006. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I transferred to a local college in January 2007, but still struggled to keep my head above the water. One day during my math class, the girl next to me had a seizure. I quickly packed my bags, walked out the door, ran to my car crying... trying to catch my breath, drove away, and never came back. I dropped out again. Fortunately, I was able to get enrolled in to an online school in February 2007-- the only way I was going to get my degree. I maintained online school and still worked as a waitress for a few years, but everything really started going down hill in 2009. Around June 2009, I started calling off constantly. Anxiety was overwhelming me at work as well. It was slowly stripping everything away from me. In September 2009, I was let go. And then everything fell apart. I refused to leave the house some time after that.

And you know the story about meeting my husband and him changing my world. If you don't read THIS. 

Today, I can go in to public. I am running a successful photography business, but I still struggle to go to stores and doctors offices alone. 

The question I faced now was: WHY

Why did I have to go through this? Why was I picked? Why can't I control my mind like I want to? Why can't I just shut my brain off sometimes? Why do I think I have every disease known to man? Why do I get scared thinking about certain things? WHY.

Then the question was WHAT.

What can I learn from this? What is the point? What was the purpose? What if I never get better?

I sought His face for the longest time. I needed understanding. I'll admit it, folks. I questioned Him. I'm not one of those 'always happy when I'm talking to God' people. I'm raw. I kind of feel like David a bit. It's not always roses and butterflies. It's REAL. Some might say, 'You shouldn't be like that towards the Almighty...' but He's my FRIEND. I'm real with my friends. I'm real with Him. If I am hurt, I tell Him. If I am angry, I tell Him. Here's the thing, guys... HE ALREADY KNOWS ;) He knows you're mad. He knows you're frustrated. He knows you're hurt. He knows you're confused... go ahead and tell Him. He wants that. He wants you to be honest with Him. Of course, we could be like the Pharisees--- go by the status quo. But how is that TRUE WORSHIP? How is that TRUE PRAYER?

So, I got angry with God. I yelled at Him. I've screamed at the top of my lungs how mad I was at Him. I've been standing on the stairs at my parent's house screaming.

YOU LEFT ME! YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL! YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME! YOU'RE JUST CONTENT LEAVING ME WHERE I'M AT! WHY!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU SAID YOU WERE ALWAYS HERE. YOU LIED! WHO ARE YOU HELPING THAT YOU CAN'T HELP ME??? 

Yes, I said all of that to Him.

And you know what?

He listened to me.. and responded with COMPASSION.

He took me through a journey and gave me a revelation:

You're doing this for others.

Not to put myself on a pedestal, but I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person. I can have a lot on plate and not crack. He built me that way. And He showed me that. I'll never forget the day that He told me, 'Some people will feel hopeless during this.. and feel they have no escape route. You know You have me. You trust in that even when I seem to be distant. Some people would not be able to handle this load.... You are getting stronger for them. Aren't they worth it, Alyssa? Isn't my creation worth it? Someone is going to need you to face this one day... Someone is going to need your advice... your wisdom... Someone is going to need your experience. Face it baby... you can do this!'

And my attitude changed from that day on.

Someone is going to need me one day. I have to be strong.

Instead of looking at your trials and sufferings as a 'curse'... look at them as a 'blessing' (as tough as it is.) God saw it fit to give you this journey because HE wants to use YOU!!!! He wants to use your experiences to help others that might not see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Baby, I know you might feel like you're drowning today, but you aren't. I promise you. There is a purpose even though you don't see it. I didn't see it for years, but through angry.... raw.... discontent... frustrated... mad prayer and worship...

I found it. 

It Hisses. [Day 6]

It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things. [Lawrence G. Lovasik]

Will Rogers said, "The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."

I think the subject of 'gossip' makes some people feel uneasy. We all do it, right? I'm writing this today because I have done it. I'm not proud of it in the slightest, but I'm owning up to it. I've talked about people. Want me to take it a step further? I've slandered people's names. I've said things about people that I have heard from others.. and I didn't even know if it was true. Can you believe that? I'm one of those hear-sayers. You hear it.. you say it. I'm also one of those people that will talk about someone behind their back, but when it comes to face-to-face confrontation, I am a sweetheart (because I hate confrontation.) I've figured out that I gossip to make myself feel 'stronger' and more 'dominate.' See, I'm a quiet one. Okay, I'm not 'quiet' in the sense that I never talk... I'm 'quiet' in the sense that I don't like trouble. I'll back down immediately if I sense some kind of confrontation beginning to take place. I don't like it one bit. But gossip makes me feel strong and in control....... 

Maybe I'm the only one like this out there. But I can't help but feel there are others that struggle with this too. I know there are... because I hear it.

I'm one of them, but it makes me so mad when I hear it spewing out of other's mouths. There are moments when it physically makes me sick. Why can't we get control of this? Why can't we think about what we are getting ready to say before we say it?

Do you know what the Bible says about our words?

Proverbs 21:23-- Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

Proverbs 18:21--- Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Today, when you are getting ready to speak to your coworkers, your friends, your family... think about the fact that you could be giving LIFE or DEATH with your words. Are you tearing someone down with the words that you are speaking today? Are you hurting someone? Are you breaking someone's spirit? Are you breaking your own spirit? 

You might not know this... but gossip is a two-edged sword. Not only are you speaking words that could hurt someone (someone with feelings.. someone with a heart.. someone who was created by the Master)... you are also hurting your spirit. You are bringing uncleanness in to it. And it's not healthy for you.

As I previously said, I'm speaking to myself too.

We have got to QUIT this. We have got to STOP speaking ill about others, folks! It's a terrible thing to do. I don't care if this person isn't your friend. I don't care if this person has hurt you. It's no reason to speak ill about them. If they are talking bad about you-- let God handle it! He's much better at this stuff than we are. 

If you've been known to gossip in the past, it's okay-- ask for forgiveness. He has His arms open wide waiting for you. I'm one of them-- I'm pouring my heart out to Him today about how sorry I am. How could I have been like that? How could I have forgotten that it was wrong to speak ill about others? I wish we would all just grasp the fact that these people we are talking about our HUMANS... with a SOUL. They have a heart... and we must guard that. We must give life!

I don't want people talking about me.. truth or not-truth. Why do I do it about others?

Also-- a little sidenote. I've heard 'gossip' masked with other names before, but it doesn't cut it folks. I've heard, "I'm only telling you this so you can pray for them." Bologna. The Bible doesn't say go tell someone and then pray about it. You know what the Bible says? PRAY ABOUT IT. It doesn't say go tell 50 people about it and have them pray. It says YOU should PRAY ABOUT IT. So, stop masking gossip! Stop making yourself feel better about spreading lies... or spreading hurtful truth. Leave it alone. It's none of your business.

We need to all be focused on our lives-- making ourselves better. Imagine how different our world would be if we kept our noses where they belong. None of us our perfect.. so stop judging others. And stop talking about others.

It's not of Him.

“My Name Is Gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives. I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.

The more I am quoted the more I am believed. I flourish at every level of society. My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face.

To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. I am nobody's friend. Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same. I topple governments and ruin marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartache and indigestion. I spawn suspicion and generate grief.

I make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my name hisses. I AM CALLED GOSSIP.”

[Author Unknown]

Getting Dirty About HUSBANDS. [Day 5]

* This blog does contain sexual content. If you are not comfortable with sexual content (or you are my parents or grandparents), please do not read it. ;) This blog is directed more towards women than it is men, only because I am a woman and it's easier for me to speak to them. Doesn't mean you can't learn a thing or two from it, gentlemen, haha!

We were given to our  husbands to be his helpmate.

Genesis 2:20-- And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

They were given to us so that we could bless them.. and they could bless us.. in many different ways.

I have seen on social media sites many women discussing their working husbands and his expectations. "He expects me to stay home all day with the kids and cook dinner and clean the house and do his laundry. I work too! Doesn't he understand that?" And while I do not think a man should have 'expectations' of his wife (I consider it a choice, not an expectation or demand. A choice that the woman ultimately has to make), I do believe we were created to be his helpmate. 

Sure, some women are probably thinking, 'This isn't the 1950s.' And that's fine. I'm not saying that everyone is going to agree with me. To each his own. This is just a revelation that God has given me about my husband.

My husband gets up at 3:30AM for work Monday through Friday. He drives an hour to work. He works 8 hours. At 1:30PM, he leaves work. He drives an hour home. At times he watches our 2 daughters because I run my own photography business and I do sessions in the evenings. He is also enrolled full-time in college as he is trying to better himself for our family's sake. He has a lot on his plate... and while I know that I do too, I can't help but think I was created to make his life easier. I was created to give him strength. To make 'home' pleasurable for him.

This isn't to boast or brag about what *I* do for my husband because truth be told, I wasn't always great at it. I'll be honest. I had this mentality after about 2 years of marriage that it 'wasn't my job to take care of him.' But I found our relationship disinegrating before my eyes. We were bickering all of the time. Arguing about small things. I wasn't making him feel loved. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders at work.. and I wasn't making it any easier on him at home. Sure, I had those thoughts, "I take care of kids all day. Clean the house. Edit photos. Cook dinner. Why should it be my responsibility to do all of that??"

And then God gave me a huge revelation. 

My husband was created for me.. I was created for him. I was created to bless him in every way possible.

Once I had that revelation, I no longer thought of cooking, cleaning, sexual activities, etc. as a CHORE. I finally saw them as BLESSINGS to my husband... who honestly, deserves every bit of it. He always goes out of his way for his family. Always. He would give me the moon and stars if I asked him for it. 

Once I changed my mind-set, I can't tell you how our marriage changed.

I found myself making the grocery list every week with him in mind. What would he enjoy when he got home from work? Brats? Red Potatoes? Steak? Beer?

And I would buy those things.

I would work all morning on editing photos and taking care of the kids. About 12:30PM, I would finish everything  up and tend to the house. I'd make sure he had a work shirt for the next day along with pants, socks, and undershirts. I would do the dishes and straighten up the kitchen. I'd make beds, get the girls ready, and get myself ready along with them. I would make sure I looked put together (I never wanted to be one of those wives that just let herself go after years of marriage. I always want my husband to desire me.) And then, I would start dinner. It was my goal to have everything ready before he walked through the door. We had a routine. We'd give smooches when he walked in (this is so vital ladies--- meet your husband at the door if you can. I know it might seem tedious, but I have found that it blesses him. It shows you care and that you missed him.) And then I would ask him to sit down in his favorite chair. Then I would set his plate down :) And it always blessed me to see that look of surprise and gratefulness on his face! I LOVE it :)  

After he was done eating, he would carry his plate to the sink and rinse it off.. and I would always tell him 'thank you' because that helped me out. Just those small things :) And I would do dishes while he looked at mail and played with the girls. 

I always offered to give him a massage at night time. He works in a warehouse and I know his feet always hurt when he gets home. When you get to the point where your mindset changes, you don't mind doing sweet things like this because you see the pleasure in your  husband's face. 

And typically a massage always led to some sort of sexual activity, whether it was your typical sexual escapade, oral sex, or a different position. I am not one of those women that says, "We only have sex once or twice a week." If my husband feels a need, I will be there for him... one time a week.. or five times a week. And I enjoy it. I have just as high of a sexual drive as a man. I will be honest. I love being next to him. I love our skin caressing each other. I love pleasing him... whatever way that might be. Even if it's just a snuggling session at night. If it makes him smile, I feel like I did my part.

I hear the excuses of "Well, I have ______ children. That's tough for me to do." And I understand that. I have two children of my own-- 2 years old and 3 months. It's hard to fit in that "sexy time" but it's SO worth it, folks! You NEED it. My 2 year old daughter's room is baby-proof (I mean, she sleeps in there with the door shut at night. She can be in there 30-minutes before bed time too!) And once my 3-month old is asleep, she sleeps in her own bed. So, after that is taken care of... we can be taken care of. PRIORITIES. You cannot afford to say, "We have children. We don't have time." Your marriage depends on sex. I cannot stand when people say, "Marriage isn't about sex. It's about love." I understand that. BUT, sex is a union of two souls. It releases frustrations. It connects you on a deeper level. It is a MUST and don't let anyone tell you different. Make time for it.

Ladies, your husband is your BLESSING. Please do not look at taking care of him as a chore. He is your helpmate. He is your protector. He is your lover. Take care of him. He deserves it. And men, if you are reading this, take care of your lady too. I know I focused on women during this, but your wife thinks about 97,000,000 things during the day and I guarantee one of those things is not 'herself.' Love on her. Let her know she is special. 

Once I developed this mindset, our marriage grew like never before. We were closer. Things weren't as stressful around home. It felt like we were in love all over again. I still get pleasure and joy out of taking care of him. It doesn't seem like a chore to me.. and maybe that's because I have such a grateful husband. In everything I do, he always says, 'Thank you.' Everything. 

Don't be a doormat for your husband, ladies, but be a 'welcome mat.' When he walks in that door... know that he probably had a rough day at a work. Bless him. He needs you. 

Messy Opportunities [Day 4]

This won't sound glamorous (thank you Fergie, I can spell that properly.) 

My post this morning probably isn't going to give you goosebumps.. or cold chills, but it's what was on my heart this morning looking down at my sweet almost-3-month old. 

I changed one of the worst diapers I have ever seen about 9:00AM. Oh yes. I hadn't even had my morning coffee yet. About 20 minutes after Quinn opened those bright blue eyes, it was on. I could tell by her facial expressions that this wasn't going to be pretty. I was already mentally and physically preparing myself. Something around my nose to withhold the awful smell, wipes, diaper, hand sanitizer. I was set.

Quinn isn't one of those babies that enjoys having something in her diaper. So, she was immediately uncomfortable. What you might not know about me is that this breaks my heart. I remember one time on the way home from the grocery store (about a 20 minute drive to my house), I heard her doing her business and then the waterworks began. It's heartwrenching because you know that has to be extremely uncomfortable for them. It's the way of life, but it isn't fun.

This morning was nothing different.

I started hurrying to get her undressed and that diaper off. And as soon as that diaper came off and she was all cleaned up, you should have seen the sense of relief on her face. She felt comfortable again. She felt clean. She felt happy.

And *I* did that for her. I changed her diaper. I cleaned her off. And it brought peace to her. It changed the course of her day. I could have left her laying in it. I could have ignored her cries. I could have left her there to suffer.... it would have made her have a bad day. But I chose to push myself to the side... and bless her. 

Now you all are probably wondering how I am turning a story about changing a newborn's diaper in to something worth remembering... and here it is:

Sometimes things are going to be messy. Opportunities to help people are going to be disguised by not-always-pleasant surroundings. That's life, folks. Sometimes we are going to have to get our hands dirty, but here's the thing: PEOPLE ARE WORTH IT. 

Quinn is worth it. Quinn is worth every dirty diaper change. Quinn (and Tayler-- my 2 year old)  is worth the not-so-glamorous parts of parenting.  They are worth having to take 15 different breaks during editing my photography sessions. They are worth it because I care. I feel like so many times we pass up opportunities to bless others because it doesn't fit in our schedule. Because sometimes it looks like it is going to be messy. Because sometimes it is going to get us out of our comfort zone. Because sometimes it doesn't seem convenient. And because sometimes-- we just don't want to.

I don't always want to change those diapers. I'll be honest. Sometimes it makes my stomach turn (Yes, I was one of those people blessed with an extremely weak tummy!) But THEY ARE WORTH IT. Is there someone worth your time? Is there someone that is seeking help... seeking a blessing... seeking a friend... and you have just felt like it isn't convenient? 

Don't get so caught up in life today that you forget to bless someone. It will do your heart good. Every time I see relief on Quinn's face that she no longer has to sit in a dirty diaper, my heart skips a beat. I helped her. I saved her from that uncomfortable situation. She needs me. She trusts me. 

Bless someone today! It will change your life... and theirs! 

Fear and Love [Day 3]

'I'm lookin' right at the other half of me.

The vacancy that sat in my heart is a
space that now you hold.

It's like you're my mirror
my mirror staring back at me.
I couldn't get any bigger
with any one else beside of me.'

[Mirrors by Justin Timberlake]

While both of the girls were sleeping last night, Ethan and I were laying in bed talking about life before we found each other. It's amazing how one day can make the difference... it can change life as you once knew it. I didn't realize that December 23, 2009 was going to change the course of my life.

Most know the story of how our paths crossed. It was one phone call. He happened to be beside of the person that called me, he heard my voice, got the number from my brother, called me, asked me on a date, and the rest is history.

The 'behind the scenes' parts of this story aren't as glamorous.. or well known.

I remember getting off the phone December 23rd. I remember saying to myself, 'Well, this isn't going to go anywhere. I won't let it. I can't let it. I need to just shut off my emotions now.'

Why?

Because I was suffering from a little word called 'Anxiety.'

Most didn't even know. I was great at the excuses. My family knew. They knew because they saw me lose my job.. they saw me stay in my bedroom when everyone else was out having a great time. They saw me refuse to leave the house. They saw the struggle to even get in my car and drive somewhere. It's embarrassing to even explain to some people because I feel like some people will think, 'What the heck? Why couldn't you leave the house?' But some will never understand. My mind was under attack. I was plagued with this fear. Fear of something bad happening. I felt safe in the four walls of our home. What could get me there? I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want to leave either. 

I remember thinking, 'I'm not living. I'm dying a slow, lonely death in here.' I might have been surviving, but I wasn't truly living.

I was doing great keeping people at an arm's length. I had friends, but I controlled the surroundings. I controlled how 'close' we actually were. Everything was going as planned.

And then Ethan showed up.

What was I going to do now? We couldn't really date in the confines of my house. We couldn't do all of the things couples do in the confines of my house. How could I meet his family? How would I see his apartment?

I decided right then and there, I would control the settings. I would control where this relationship went. 

He asked me to meet him at the mall on December 26th, 2009. I, of course, brought my family along. They were gracious. They knew I had a problem, but they knew I needed help as well. I know it was a tough battle for them... deciding whether I needed tough love and a swift kick in the butt, or just a lot of love and empathy. I feel bad looking back now because I see the struggle in their hearts and minds. 

Ethan ended up coming back to our house and spending time with me there.. and he did that for the next 3 weeks. I wish I was kidding. He spent a lot of nights there. We never went out... I never went to his house. And I thought things were going great. He never suspected an issue as to why I wouldn't leave.

Then January 17th came along.

He called me and asked me to come spend the night at his apartment. Fear hit me instantly. What would I tell him? I didn't have excuses. I didn't have a job. I didn't have kids. I did schooling online. I had nothing to give him, so I just told him 'no.' I know. We were supposed to be in that 'honeymoon phase' where we just wanted to spend every single minute together.. and I told him 'no.' Then he said those dreadful words, 'Alyssa, I don't know what your problem is, but you have yet to see my world. You have yet to see my apartment, meet my friends, meet my family. I can't do this anymore. Either you make a decision to come down here and see my life or I can't see you anymore.'

Tough love.

I hung up the phone without giving him any answer.. and I went out to the kitchen to tell my parents all about that 'mean boy.'

And guess what?

I didn't receive ANY sympathy from them. 

My mom said, 'Good for him! You are going to lose a wonderful person, Alyssa. You are never going to know what could really happen because you won't get over this hump. You are never going to know a future with him. You are going to let this fear take everything away from you. I don't feel bad for you. You need to go see him!' They packed up their stuff and walked out the door. My grandma was really sick and in the hospital, so they were headed up there to visit her.

And I was left alone with my thoughts.

What was I going to do?

I didn't want to lose him. He made me feel more alive than I'd felt in years. I was falling in love with him and I knew I couldn't let this fear take that away. He was worth risking it all for.

So, I called him and asked him for his address. He sounded so excited. I even felt a bit of joy for the first time in awhile. I packed up my bags, loaded up my 1995 Dodge Intrepid, and out the door I went... destination: Dresden, OH.

I remember I had the air on full blast (yes, in the middle of January) just to keep me calm. Hey, if that's what it took to get me down there, I'd do it. I would have done anything for him.

I remember pulling in to his apartment complex for the first time... all by myself. I was away from my home. Away from my parents. But I was with the person that was making me feel 'free' and 'happy.' 

I walked in the door and he was standing there with his arms out. I remember dropping my bags and just hugging him. He didn't judge me. He didn't yell at me. He just loved me through my fear and anxiety. He hugged me for about 30 minutes while I just cried. I was embarrassed but at the same time, I felt a peace. He was my safety. It was right then... after only 3 weeks of dating... I knew he was 'the one' because I'd never felt something like that.

I look back now and think about what fear tried to take from me. Look at the beautiful life I have now. I wouldn't have a husband that still takes my breath away. I wouldn't have my two beautiful daughters that have caused me to face more of my fears. I wouldn't live in Dresden, a gorgeous village that I am so excited to raise my family in. I wouldn't have a thriving photography business. I wouldn't have the relationship I have with my parents.

The whole way to Dresden, I kept thinking, "Why would they (my parents and Ethan) be mean to me like this? Why would they force me to do this? Don't they love me?"

Of course they did. That's WHY they were tough on me. They knew I was going to miss out on LIFE. 

Fear tried to take my world away from me. But God had other plans. He brought an angel in to my life. That's what Ethan is to me. My angel. He always says he needed me, but I don't think he will ever need me like I needed him in that moment.

I couldn't get any bigger, with anyone else beside of me...

Perfection. [Day 2]

I'll be honest with you.

I struggle with perfection.

I grew up with this notion that I had to be 'perfect' to find favor in God's eyes. Now, I'm not saying that people made me feel this way. But the way I perceived messages and discussions were that I needed to strive for perfection.. and if I lost my way, it was a long road to repentance.

I heard over and over again, 'Saying sorry to God means that you aren't going to do the same thing over and over again. That's true repentance.' So, when I would make a mistake... and then make the same mistake again... I felt defeated. I started getting this thinking of, 'Why even repent anymore? If this isn't true repentance because I keep doing the same thing over and over again, why even say I'm sorry? I need to get things right in my life, then maybe I won't make the same mistake over and over again.. then maybe I can seek His face for some kind of forgiveness.'

I found myself tossing and turning at night time with forgiveness. It plagued my thoughts. I couldn't understand it. 

Then, one night while all was quiet in my house, I received this revelation. Through tears and a heartfelt prayer, this Bible verse came to mind:

1 John 1:9- If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  

It doesn't say, "If we confess our sins when we know we aren't going to commit them again" and it doesn't say "If we confess our sins (only once because He doesn't allow you to go back and make them again.. that isn't true repentance.)

He says, "If we confess our sins, HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US..."

He has GRACE.

That is what grace is all about, folks.

I heard a quote once that stated, "It's not the law of religion nor the principles of morality that define our highways and pathways to God; only by the Grace of God are we led and drawn, to God. It is His grace that conquers a multitude of flaws and in that grace, there is only favor. Favor is not achieved; favor is received.” [C. Joybell C.] 

Favor isn't achieved. You can't earn His love and you surely can't earn His forgiveness. He doesn't HAVE to give it. He WANTS to give it. 

Don't you dare let anyone make you feel like you can't talk to Him. Don't you dare let anyone make you feel like you have made the same mistake too many times. That would be a disgrace in the eyes of God. He died on a cross for your sins... no one can put stipulations on that. He wasn't whipped multiple times for you to commit a sin once. He didn't carry an old rugged cross through the streets for you to feel SHAME about a pass transgression. He wasn't nailed to a cross for you to struggle with perfection. He was crucified so you could know what FREEDOM feels like. He was crucified so you could know what REST feels like. He was crucified so you could know what NO BURDENS feel like! 

Don't let your sins or the burden of your sins weigh you down. And don't let others make you feel that way. You aren't perfect? PERFECT. You stumble and fall? PERFECT. You don't have it all together? PERFECT. YOU are who He came for! The 'church' isn't here for the perfect. They're here for those that need HIS help. It isn't about how good we are. It's about how good He is. Let go of those burdens today. Just keep trying... just keep swimming. There is nothing wrong with imperfections. That's what He came for. 

Matthew 11:28-  Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.